Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Pondering Important Things

I've been terrified this entire year of saying that I will graduate in May, because the biggest part of me honestly doesn't believe I can do it. As it stands right now, to graduate, I need to:

- finish the two summer correspondence classes that I've barely started by April 7th (probably at least 60 hours of work)
- two book summaries (only 2pgs each) and a research paper on a local minority religion (don't even know whom to ask)
- full photography portfolio (at least 5 more rolls of film, I think, including developing the negatives, making a contact sheet, and developing selected prints - hugely time consuming), 2pg reading summary, and photographer presentation for a class which the prof said that I "need to strongly consider withdrawing". And she's right, because I've missed a ridiculous amount of class, and it's a studio class, so attendance is very important. She says I should get a medical withdrawal because of my depression ... but to get a medical withdrawal, you must withdraw from the entire semester, and then I would lose the entire YEAR of stats, which is the only class in which I'm not ABSURDLY behind. So I really, really WANT to make it work, if at all possible.
- analyze and report on the data from our study in stats class and finish the major research paper on that
- finish two statistics assignments (due next Thursday and the Thursday after), a quiz today, and a comprehensive final exam April 17th

And I think that's everything, almost all of it in the next three weeks. I think if I had the work ethic of some of my friends, I might be able to pull it off. I'm so scared, and so daunted, and worst of all, terrified of just how much I'll hate myself if I fail. I want to cry, and hide, and give up, almost as much as I don't. So I guess it's just a question of letting the determined part of me win out over the coward, to beat down the worst of the depression, at least for a few weeks.

1 comment:

Tirzah said...

I knew you had a lot on your plate but for it to be all written out like that...wow. You do have your work cut out for you for sure! I hope something works out for you so that you can graduate on time, but if it takes a little longer, then so be it. I love you, I'm always around to vent to when you need me!