Friday, February 02, 2007

Heather - 1, Rut - 0

Okay, so probably the rut has more points than that. A few weeks ago, I got a good solid start on a song, but didn't quite finish it. Yesterday and today, though, I got somewhere.
I wrote a little before leaving for Breakforth about how I was feeling "unspiritual." It's nothing new, really, and I used the thought briefly in the song "Fly", saying "You think that I'd have it down, after all these years..."
It's carried on, though. So many days I don't feel like a "good" Christian - and I put it in quotations because in reality, in my head, I know there's not really any such thing. God has made me who I am - and my struggles, particularly with depression - are a part of that. I know that before the Fall that's not how He'd have had me in mind, but for now, for today, it's what my character looks like. Still, there remains in me a profound desire to be changed. I found myself at the piano yesterday, having had a horrible day - feeling useless, hopeless, helpless...all those good things those who've struggled with depression would recognize. And I wrote this.

It's a dangerous thing to ask You to show up, I know. Jacob never walked right again; Moses glowed; Saul was blinded. Maybe I'm asking for a Damascus road. All I know is that I never want to be the same.

From that thought, and from Acts 9, came this song.

He must have been scared half to death
Walking down Damascus Road
He must have known he'd have to change
After meeting with You, Lord
You went so far as to change His name
And now I'm askin' for the same

I'm askin' for Damascus
Make me blind, so I can see
And I'm begging, be my Master
So I'll finally be free

The very man who'd hunted them
Now a champion for Your cause
A fervent fire to end the faith
Became a passion for the lost
You've done it all throughout history
So could You bring this change in me?

I'm askin' for Damascus
Make me blind, so I can see
And I'm begging, be my Master
So I'll finally be free

Like Jacob walking with a limp
And Moses' face all aglow
I want to be marked with Your name
So the world will know

I'm askin' for Damascus
Make me blind, so I can see
And I'm begging, be my Master
So I'll finally be free

On a more technical note, I love the chording. I don't know what they're all called, but I adore how they sound.
I'm proud of this song, how it turned out. I was reminded tonight that 75% of the Psalms are songs of lament. Christian music - Christian faith! - doesn't have to be "happy-go-lucky." I know there's a need for honesty and reality in the Church and in the world.
Like many songs, this was a gift - it was work as well, of course - but I know simply from the way it has spoken to my heart that if no one else hears it, if no one else is changed, I will still be thankful for this gift. Because it's set me on that road to Damascus, and I will never be the same.

Also, in the interest of reality - do not steal this song. It is intellectual property and is as such protected under Copyright Law. And stealing is mean. Don't do it.


Chantaloupe? said...

Hey! Aw that's such a wonderful song, I'm glad God has blessed you that you may write again. I hope I'll get to hear it with a melody soon :) Love you!

littlemissy555 said...

That is lovely! Isn't it amazing how when you are really asking for Him and listening for Him, how you get exactly what you need! ;0)

kate setzer kamphausen said...

YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM!!!! go you!!! this song is great. i am glad you are not falling into the trap of Christian = saccharine, because that just isn't true. If *Jesus* learned obedience through what he suffered ... perhaps we do too...?!

Found you through Miss Doxie.

Heather said...

Chantal, Missy, Kate - ya'll are way too kind. Thank you so much! I really do feel blessed to be able to write. And Missy - I feel *so* strongly against the saccharine Christianity thing...I think there's an incredible need for reality and honesty in the church.