Sunday, December 10, 2006

Nerves of Adamantium

When steel just won't do the trick...okay, so to be honest, my nerves (and knees) are feeling more akin to Jello.
I'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning - a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Anything with that many syllables has to be frightening, eh? Really, I know I'll be okay. It's essentially quite a low-risk surgery. And having experienced the pain of gall bladder attacks, I can fairly confidently say it's better than the alternative.
Besides, I'm such a really tough grown-up - my mommy is coming with me. She'll hold my hand 'til I'm passed off to the OR nurses, and then soon after that I'll be knocked out anyway.
Part of what scares me, though, is that I'll be out of control. And that people who neither know me nor care for me will have rather unfettered access to this poor excuse of a body. They're professionals, and I know it's unreasonable - my mum was an OR nurse for years, I know it's not as bad as all that. I know that if all goes well, there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of, and though recovery will be unpleasant, it shouldn't be too long or exceptionally painful.
But that's if all goes well. There's still a possibility that they won't be able to do the surgery laparoscopically. When I spoke with the surgeon, he said this chance was extremely slim. All my parts seem to be in the right places, so they should be able to get to them okay. But if they can't? If they have to actually cut me open? Then I'll be in the hospital for a week. And I really hate hospitals. Yeah, I used to make deliveries there, and I've been in to visit Mum innumerable times, but it's an entirely different proposition when you're a patient. It's far too much time spending staring at a sterile, white ceiling. Even when I was only there for a few hours a couple years ago, I hated it. I felt a terrible lack of control, and the whole experience just seems embarrassing. I know there are good nurses and hospital staff who do their best to treat patients with dignity, but I'm still scared.
Still, it won't be that bad, as long as the surgery goes well, I'll be in and out inside of a day. The week-long stay is an unlikely possibility. But just thinking about it makes me start to shake. So please, pray (or send happy wishes, if that's your thing) that it'll go well?


Chantaloupe? said...

I'm praying for you-love you.

RobynRenee said...

I'm praying for you too Heather. But you already knew that ;) I hope everything goes well!