Hump Day

Not much doing today...choir rehersal, and Pam's birthday which was fun. I got her a CD, but I have no idea if she likes it, because she's never heard of the artist (Corrinne Bailey Rae.) But just in case, I also got her chocolate. The good stuff - Lindt.
In other news, I'm getting awfully sick of driving in this snow. I apparently lack the brain power required to put snow tires on my car. At one point today my spedometer registered 60km/h and I was barely moving at all. So speshul.
Anyway, that's all I really have to say...which is all very amazing, I know. Tomorrow, I've got to meet with another of the altos in the choir and go over a particularly challenging "gloria" part, or as Mike says, KGlorrria een eggshell cece. Forgive me, my latin's a little rusty....

Fragments

Better late than never? Or something?
Hard Day. Meeting with Mike - all good. Talked about recording. Move on to Dan, not so good...kicked off worship team, "attitude," "undermining authority." Disagree. Cry. Lose something important to me. Something special ruined. History...gone.
Bathroom - cold water. Red face. More water. Try again. No progress. "I have nothing here." Not sure if I mean it. Walk out.
More water. Nosy women - escape. Drive home. Feel useless, worthless, unlovable. Google "how to commit suicide." Try to sleep it off. Wake up. Feel the same.
Query msn, "Robyn?" Replied, small talk. Hard to ask for help. Find more Google results. Cave in. Ordered to get in car, pick up cousin, go for ice cream.
Her place. Crazy kitten attacking bathtub. Cookie dough ice cream and giggles. Try to rhyme things with "smaller." Taller, holler, high "rawler," ghostly pallor, living in squalor. More giggles. Blessed distraction. Bad jokes and hot chocolate. And love. Thanks, Bob.
One more day.

Overdue Recap

Sooo, the weekend, eh? I guess it's about time I wrote about that.
Saturday morning saw me at the church getting things organized, making copies of music and picking up the ridiculously heavy keyboard we'd be using in studio.
I headed over to Doug's, where Ed, Dan and Eli met me and it took us quite a while to set up. We started recording around 11 and spent a couple of hours working on The Well, then Dan went home, Mike and Barry joined us and we recorded Safe. All in all, it was a very fun experience but it's definitely slow going. Six and a half hours to get the very start of two songs. I felt really useless recording Safe since all I was doing was singing, because I asked Mike to play piano on that one as he has a much more suitable jazzy style for that song. I was recording the "ghost vocals" and the only purpose of that is sort of to guide the band; apparently that vocal take doesn't actually get used.
After recording, I went up to Mum's for tea and cake (don't we sound British?) and my presents. You can see them here and here, as well as my cards. We visited for a couple hours, then I headed down to Fogg'n'Suds for (free!) dinner with my friends. A decent number of people showed up, as well as a surprise visit from Raylene, who's down from McKenzie. Home and to bed awful early for my birthday night, because I had to be at church at 8:30am to sing in the choir. That was lovely, I'm sure, and I also got my tickets to the Christmas drama, which our dear Robyn will be starring in. I'm quite excited about that. I'm going to be attending the banquet and dinner on Saturday night, but I think between playing piano for the prelude and doing sound I'll likely be there every night. Also on Sunday, way too much snow - I managed to make it down in the morning, but after I came home for the afternoon, the car got stuck in a snowbank that I couldn't get out of. The roads were horrible, so I got a ride down to the church for Scott and Bonnie's farewell party. After that was over, and I'd done a little bit of speaking and some crying - and some playing with my friend's adorable baby, Paige - we went over to Amber's to play some scum. Of course - we never play anything else! Good times...I was prez for a little while! And I wasn't actually scum at all, I don't think, which is lovely!
Today, I spent my gift card on new clothes, then had band practice. We've started a new band, and we have a violinist joining us. So far, I've quite enjoyed playing with him; he seems to have a good ear, and though we doubled up a few times, it was fun!
So, there ya go, another long entry about nothing! So exciting. Maybe I'll have something better tomorrow - but I'm not making any promises!

Coming Attractions

Well, quite a bit going on this weekend, I guess. But I'm going to have to post most of it tomorrow. I've got to head out now in just a few minutes to our associate pastor's farewell dinner. I will try very hard not to cry. (We all know how well that usually works.)
So, coming tomorrow: my experience in the recording studio, my birthday party (and a photo diary of my presents!), and probably a rant about what everyone seems to be griping about today - the snow! Oh, the snow.
A demain.

Big Day

Well, I guess this is it! In an hour and a half, I start recording my first album. Eek! I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm...23! Oh, did I mention it's also my birthday? heh. Pretty cool present, in my humble opinion. So, in the studio (eek!) all day, and then off to Fogg n' Suds for Free Birthday Dinner. If you're my friend and haven't been already, consider yourself invited. If you're far away, the highly demanding present I ask of you is to leave a comment, just so I know you were here. The lack of referral stats is the only thing I miss about Windows Live Spaces!
Anyway, I have tons to do this morning, so I'll leave you to your various adventures. Ciao, dahlings! (See, I sound like a famous musician already...)

Which Dwarf Shall I Be Today?

Now I know I'm a little out of the height range of Snow White's seven little friends, but I'm thinking of taking on one of their names, more specifically: Grumpy.
I had my appointment with the psychatrist this morning. She seemed nice enough, asked a lot of questions. Hashing over my slightly colourful family history was a blast, I assure you.
At the end of the appointment, she suggested group counselling (which freaks me the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out), took me off one medication, and upped my dosage of the other to the maximum. She wants me to come back in six weeks.
Six weeks. Man, that's a long time. And in the meantime it's just supposed to be more of the same? Okay, there's the group counselling. It scares me though, though I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's because I'm afraid that I'll see people who are sicker than me. Maybe I'm afraid that I won't. There are certainly days when I feel I'm the most messed up person on this mortal coil. (Oh good, I'm referencing a monologue debating the merits of suicide. Bloody brilliant.)
I want to be healthy, and happy, but apparently just because the only other option is being miserable. I surrendered my right to end my life when I gave Christ Lordship over my life. I'm thankful for that, that I don't have to torment myself over a decision because it's one I've already made, but I hate that I've had to remind myself so often lately.
You are not your own. You were bought at a price. (2 Cor 6:19-20)
I think it's become my mantra. This, these feelings, the things I want to do...they terrify me. They frighten and hurt the ones I love. If I tell them, they worry; if I don't, I'm alone. I don't know how to strike a balance. I don't know how to be okay.

Friday Thursday Bullets

• I can think of very little to say, so I'm just gonna bluff my way through some bullets.
• I'm singing with the choir this Sunday, after having only been to one rehersal. I'm thinking I'd better go over the sheet music by then?
• What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
• A flat miner/minor.
• What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
• A flat Major.
• These cheesy jokes are what I get for watching Oprah two days in a row. I couldn't resist, since she's got Jay Leno on with some adorable "wiz kids." For two people who've never had children, they're really wonderful with them.
• Jay's one of my favorite people in Hollywood. He seems surprisingly real.
  
• Though some people prefer Letterman, it's been admitted that if they had a choice, they'd rather be interviewed by Leno. He's just nicer, I think.
• The cute kids are kinda overwhelming me heh. I've had a major baby jones lately. Mostly likely because so many of my friends are having babies. I want one! Or two... but I know it's not time yet. Thankfully, I can borrow 'em from my friends for a little while and get my "fix."
• That was fairly progressive for a random bullets entry, wasn't it? Oh well.
  

Dreams

Well, I hardly ever watch Oprah, but today she's about made me cry. She had Will Smith, and the man he's playing in his upcoming true-story-based movie, Chris Gardner. It's called The Pursuit of Happyness, and even though the spelling kinda makes me twitch, it looks excellent, and I'm really looking forward to seeing it.
And...that's totally not what I meant to write about :-D On to the real entry!
I wrote my first song when I was 12, for a guitar class I took as an elective in the eighth grade. It really sucked.
I wrote my first "real" song when I was 15, during a worship team practice. We'd been reading Psalm 19, and I believe someone said something to the effect of "wouldn't it be nice if we had a song based on this." I moved over to the piano, and started messing around. The song I ended up with, ridiculously quickly, was called "The Rocks Cry Out." Not quite my best work, but not bad for a smart-aleck kid. Our worship team, which at the time was the team that played every week, used the song for several Sunday mornings. The team was very encouraging, including one of the members and a co-leader who also wrote (and writes.) That was Dan.
Dan and I have had quite a bit of history over the last nine years, just in playing in bands together, and he was youth staff when I was in the youth group, as was his girlfriend/fiancée/wife/mother of his child...(lots can happen in nine years, eh?)
Whenever the thought or dream of recording a CD crossed my mind, I always wanted Dan involved. After all, I've been considering it on and off since I was just a young'un, and he's always been very encouraging to me in my songwriting.
Dan moved away a few years ago, around the same time Wendy (the worship pastor at the time) did, and Mike started working at the church. I missed he and Wendy terribly, but Mike grew on me.
When we started talking seriously about doing the album, I was disappointed that Dan wasn't here. I almost wished I had enough money to fly he and his wife in from Calgary. Then, in the course of one of our meetings last August, Mike mentioned that Dan would be coming to KAC as a worship intern, and that maybe he could help me with production. I was so excited.
So the time came a few weeks ago, after the concert hype had wound down, to talk to Dan about his involvement in the CD.
It took a long time to get an answer, partly because it was one that he really didn't want to give me. To excerpt from his email, "I have thought about your invitation to record in the studio and looking at my schedule I have come to the conclusion that I will not be able to do any work in the studio nor be apart of the process in any manner. I am very sorry about this." I was crushed, but I understood. After all, he's a busy intern with a one-year-old son.
Yesterday, I talked to Mike about this, about how disappointed I was. "Why don't you tell him that?" he challenged me. He suggested I ask him again, with a shorter and more specific time committment outlined. I hesitated, because having been accused of it before, the last thing I wanted to be was manipulative. Mike assured me that wouldn't be the case, and so I took him at his word and headed down the hall to Dan's office.
With the thought of, "if you could have him involved in one song..." in mind, I asked Dan if he'd be able to commit to two hours this Saturday to record "The Well." He said yes, and I was ecstatic. We talked for a bit, then I went back down to Mike's office to tell him the happy news. To wit:
Me: Guess what? He said yes! Yay!
Mike: That's great!
Me: I know! I'm so happy! *giggle*
Mike: Uh huh.
Me: I guess the giggle kinda gave it away, huh?
Mike: Yeah.
So, I guess once in a while you have to adjust your dreams a bit to fit them around real life, but sometimes they really do come true.

Under the Wire

Well, it looks like I'm just barely making it under the wire tonight! Silly old wookies, looking to attack me and my slow-to-post self.
Today was a pretty good day. After all, most days are that start with a compliment. The first person I saw today, other than those who served my beverage, was one of our sound engineers from church. He's always been a bit, um, growly? And he totally doesn't mean to, but he scares me just a wee little bit. ;-) Anyhow, I ran into him at Booster Juice, and he said, "Hey Heather. You're looking good." And then I walked away on a wee bitty cloud for the rest of the day!
Next up was a meeting with Mike, where I got talk about some of the stuff that's been bugging me lately and get a well-valued honest and mature opinion. (So, Mike, if you're reading this...um, hi?) I also got to talk about this coming Saturday and the recording and a few of my concerns about that. Oh, and I have some news about that which totally makes me happy...but I think I'll tell you that tomorrow - so I don't have to struggle to come up with an entry topic heh.
So, after the meeting with Mike, I ran into Pam at the church, which was wonderful, and the two of us had dinner together. She went off to join her husband for date night (who gave her just a wee bit of heck for having dinner with me on date night!) and I headed down to the North Shore, again. I thought I might hang out at the church, until Robyn was done play practice, but instead I decided to give the lovely Emily call, and went over to visit with her, and her cool little sister. We sat, we talked, we...conquered? Good times.
Back to the church for 9 (I maybe kinda live there a little?) and picked up Robyn to go see The Prestige. Hooray for "Foonie Tuesdays" - when movies are just four bucks! Now, I won't get into any sort of review, since I just did that the other day, but I will say that I quite enjoyed it. And that as always, Hugh Jackman is yummy. I'm always impressed by a guy who can both sing on Broadway and play Wolverine.
And finally, in other news: I look like I've been in a fight. Not my face, thank goodness ;-) I look like I've been in a fight and won. That's not what happened, of course, and to anyone who knows me, this comes as absolutely no surprise: I walked into a drawer. Yeah, smooth like butta.
On that note - since I'm tired enough that I'm walking into inanimate objects, I think I'll head to bed.

Alphabet Entry

An alphabet entry, eh? Bet that'll be kinda tricky. 'Cause these letters, well they're easy enough, but the ones I'll get to later? Dang! Every letter of the alphabet? Fugghedaboudit. Getting down to it, though, I should probably write about something other than what I'm writing about.
How's my day been, anyway? I'd have to say fairly uneventful. Just the right amount of sleep seems to be practically impossible for me to attain. Kills me every time - it's either too much or too little. Love it, really. Many people struggle with sleep issues, I guess. Not that I don't feel like I'm the only one in the world with my own particular affliction.
Other than that, it doesn't seem like I have anything to write about. Perhaps I should try leading a more exciting life simply for the sake of my blog? Quite a lame idea. Really, I'm sure I have more going on that that. Saturday, actually, will be our first day in the studio for recording my album. There's been a definite challenge in getting everyone there at the same time! Until now, everyone's been terribly busy, but we've finally worked it out! Very, very excited about it, too! When we do get in there, I hope I can do everything right! eXactly what to do does evade me a bit. You wouldn't happen to have any experience in the area, would you? Zany, wild stories?

Double-Oh-Yum

Well, tonight we went to see the James Bond movie. (We being: Brent, Robyn, myself, Amy, Sharon, Andrew, Andrew, Becca, Emily, Lorne and his dad. Just a few...)
I'd been discussing it, before we went, with Mike, who went with his wife on Friday night. I asked what they'd thought about Craig's performance, and the feedback was positive. Mike said, "Well, Liz liked it, but that could be just because he had a great body." Good to know we girls aren't the only ones who feel a little intimidated from time to time. ;-) I wasn't too sure about Liz's opinion, and then there was this one scene...well, he's kinda naked. And he reminded me of The Thinker. It was quite impressive. Except for the fact that he was being (spoiler) tortured. I can handle quite a bit of violence in a movie, but when it's that personal (and if you've seen the movie, you know just how personal it is!) I find it very disconcerting. The performance was good though, and a couple light-hearted lines made it more bearable.
Now, apart from the prettiness - the eyes - I really think Daniel Craig did a great job. I wasn't anticipating that he would, really, because there's defeinitely been some negative hype! I thought that even the blonde thing would throw me off, but by the end of the movie, I found myself looking forward to the next installment of Bond, which Craig has already signed on to do.
The movie itself was also better than I expected. Now, the last time I went to a Bond movie, my friend and I were in a fairly serious car accident on the way home, so maybe my standards for the evening weren't that high, but I really liked it. It wasn't life changing - I don't expect that from any action movie. But I really enjoyed getting to know the character a bit better, and understanding why he behaves the way he does. It even seems to be getting positive reviews. But I'm glad I didn't read them beforehand - I'd rather form my opinion first, and then get stuck in my ways. :-D
So, if you haven't seen it, it's worth a look. And don't worry about being "left behind" - Bond films aren't terribly sequential to begin with, but this one rewinds to the beginning of a franchise. And it's kind of fun to watch such a famous character figure out who he is...to some degree, at least...
Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken or stirred?
Bond: Do I look like I care?

Props

Well, by now you may have noticed the new look. I got the template from the lovely Miss Zoot, who has a good eye, and great taste. I messed with the template a bit, because the original was a bit to cheery for me, so I darkened it to more of a twilight theme. So, any quirks and mistakes are all on me, since I don't really know what I'm doing! Still, I'm having fun with the little bits and details and getting it "just so."
Anyhow, go and see Zoot and tell her how pretty (she and) her designs are!
Thanks muchly.

The Fascination with Firemen

I've become a little bit addicted to Take Home Chef, due in no small part to the fact that Curtis Stone is yummy. Yummy food, yummy man...what more could you want?
Well, I'll tell you! Today's episode was a special Thanksgiving show where he cooked a turkey dinner for a firehouse. Thirteen men were on shift, and they cooked four turkeys, and made pumpkin pie from scratch. That's definitely on my list of things to cook - pumpkin pie filling that doesn't come from a can.
Now, it seems like a lot of women have a "thing" for firemen. Beth's is well documented. In fact, as soon as I saw the show'd be about firemen, I sent her a (very excited) email. So I started to wonder, what is it about firemen? I've come to a few conclusions:
1) The Hero Factor - this one's pretty obvious, I guess. But there's something very sexy about a guy who could carry you out of a burning building, or even get your kitten down out of a tree.
2) The Fitness - when they get bored at the firehouse, they work out. Big strong men with broad shoulders? Mmhmm.
3) The Uniform - pretty much any guy looks better in turnouts.
And I'm sure there are more, ad naseum. But here's the thing...
At the end of "Take Home Chef" the men got called out. Off they went, into the night, and sirens blaring. Since they'd invited the families to the Thanksgiving dinner, the kids were there to see Daddy off. And one little girl was crying. Even though it was just TV, I felt my heart sink. I don't think I could handle it, the "on call" lifestyle and the danger factor. There are enough things that can go wrong in everyday life without adding all the dangerous jobs.
Now, don't get me wrong - I admire the firemen, the policemen, the EMTs. I'm thankful for them. But I just don't think I could live with it. So in short: I'd buy a fireman calendar, but I don't think I'd date one. (Because you know they're knocking down my door...)

Patience and Motorsports

When I was about twelve years old I had a crush on a boy named Adam. (He is of course married now heh.) His grandparents had a house out by the lake in Terrace.
Since Terrace is halfway up the western coast of Canada, the lake froze over in the winter. And Adam's family had some good toys. Now, my friend Lisa had been promising for a couple months that she'd show me how to drive a snowmobile, but we never got around to it. So, having mused this aloud, Adam's dad suggested he take me for a spin.
So, twelve years old and all snow-suited up, we head outside. Adam points out the parts that make it go vroom - and that's about all I can remember. I recall sitting behind him to get the feel of it, and wanting to giggle incessantly. After a while, he let me drive. We went around the (very large) yard, and then I got stuck. We got off, and Adam told me to "pull on the ski." And so I did. We got the snowmobile out, and I drove around some more. And I got stuck again. "Pull on the ski." Lather, rinse, repeat. One of the last times (and it must've happened around half a dozen) the "pull on the ski" was prefaced by a dramatic sigh. But for a 12yr old boy, he displayed remarkable patience!
To this day, it's one of my best memories. Good company, and horsepower. Who could ask for anything more?

Cry Pretty

You know, for someone who hates to cry, I sure do it a lot! And believe you me, I don't cry pretty.
Now, what made me cry is not for public consumption, but from that point on, I can share. After the "instigation" I went down to the park. To cry in the rain and wind, because that seemed apropos. You ever have days when it was bright and sunny out, but you're miserable? It feels terribly incongruous. Today was a miserable looking day, and it fit.
I knew I needed to talk to someone, as my thoughts were starting to scare me (could I climb to the top of that bridge? Because if I jumped head first, I could probably break my neck and it'd be nice and instantaneous.) But I couldn't think of a single person to call. I felt ridiculously alone.
Finally, I caved and called my friend Brian in Calgary. On my cel phone. Genius. We talked for almost an hour. He practiced his therapy skillz by saying things like "that's fair" and "understandable."
After that I was kind of sick of feeling sorry for myself, so I decided to head over to the church to see if they needed nay help for the concert tonight. I helped some band members around the maze that is our church. And that was about it. But there was a time when no one was using the piano, so I played for a while.
Later, at the concert, I sat in the lobby because I still had a pretty bad headache (did I mention crying gives me nasty, throbbing headaches? yeah, that too.) And nearly everyone who walked past me asked if I was okay. I really was, by that point, but because everything had been so close to the surface, every time someone asked me, I started to cry again. From the person I don't know all that well rubbing my shoulder for a rather long time, to a friend's mum who's kinda like an auntie giving me a full-on hug and telling me she loved me, everything choked me up.
I hate when everything's like lava below a very thin crust. Not sure when it's going to bubble up and burn someone. I hate that what to some people would be a minor issue sends me over the edge.
I hate that it's so easy to make me cry. And I hate that I don't cry pretty.

Addendum

I knew I'd think of a couple more things heh.
-ceramic flat iron
-diffuser for my blow dryer
-I swear, there's something else and I've completely forgotten it!
In other news, "awkward" is a very awkward looking word. Imagine that.

Wishes and Horses

This is a little on the late side, since it's only eleven days til my birthday, but it's a nice cop-out post for NaBloPoMo :-D
So, my wishlist for my birthday and Christmas...

-Smallville Seasons 1-5 on DVD
-A bluetooth headset (like this)
-A new purse (medium sized)
-fuzzy slippers
-a violin and lessons
-a million dollars (what? it's worth a shot!)
-a pasta maker (kinda like this)
-some pretty (but inexpensive, cuz I lose them) earrings
-Gardener's Hand Lotion (from La Dolce Vita)...because it smells like sunshine
-time with my family, and lots of hugs
-hot apple cider and eggnogg
-the turkey dinner we haven't had for thanksgiving yet :-P
-love

If I think of anything else, I'll let ya know, but that's what I've got in my head.
I hope you all have everything you need this Christmas. I'm kind of excited to start my shopping - I love giving presents. So let's have some fun, eh? :-)

Wonderland

It's snowing again. I really ought to get my winter tires on!
I love snow, from the inside. It's so pretty; it falls so gently. It almost looks like it should be warm, soft and downy and fluffy. Imagine how much fun it would be to play in, if it were warm. It's fun now, of course, but there's such cold, wet aftermath. Like so many things, really - they look like fun, until you have to deal with the consequences.
I think I'm waxing too philosophical lately for my own good, I think.
Maybe I should start talking about puppies and rainbows instead. Maybe that would make my neck stop hurting, make my headache go away.
Maybe somehow, I can make it all better.

Freedom (a la Braveheart?)

In my waxing poetic yesterday, I talked a bit about the cost of freedom. This weighs on my mind still today.
This morning at church, we took part in The International Day of Prayer for the Persucted Church. It's almost untenable to think that there are places in the world where there isn't religious freedom. It's hard to believe that in some countries, telling someone what you believe could land you in jail. Even if you don't agree with Christianity, I hope that you believe in freedom. (Oh dear - I sound like W. Shoot me now.)
Really though, I believe that any religion should be able to practice - non-violently - without fear of repriesal. But in some of what the church calls "Limited Access Nations" a Christian could be taken from their family and tortured. It's not legal, in some places, to own a Bible. Granted, we have banned books in North America, but I doubt it's under pain of death. Even here, it's wrong. Parents can decide what's appropriate for their children - no one should decide what's right for me. I've chosen to live my life in a way that agrees with the Bible and Christian principles, but no one should be allowed to force that on me - nor should I be allowed to force it on anyone else. I am thankful for the right to talk about it - and I'm thankful for the right someone else has to not listen.
I'm thankful for freedom.

Remember

It's a little too easy to take some things for granted.
To forget, because it was a lifetime ago.
To distance myself, because my grandparents survived.
To belittle the present if I don't agree with the reasoning.
To mock the leaders, and ignore those who die.
No matter how I disdain the man who says it,
Many have died to say that freedom
is worth it.
So I step back.
Away from politics and opinion polls.
Even away from the evil that seems to make war neccesary.
I will think of young men and women.
Mothers and fathers and children.
Who've lost a piece of forever.
Who've lost love.
I'll think a moment, say a prayer.
And remember.

The Dance

I have this habit of forgetting about songs that I love. And then I hear it on the radio, or I see a music video, or somebody says something that reminds me.
This song...sometimes it makes me cry. But it's a good thing. I know that no matter what has happened in my life, no matter the hurts that have been caused by caring about someone, I wouldn't change it. Because I wouldn't be who I am, and I wouldn't know what I know. So yes, love hurts, in all its many varieties. And I've done some stupid things, and so have others. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

The Dance
Garth Brooks

Lookin' back,
On the memory of
The dance we shared,
Neath the stars above
For a moment,
All the world was right
How could I have known,
That you'd ever say goodbye?

And now,
I'm glad I didn't know
The way It all would end
The way It all would go
Our lives,
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance.

Holding you,
I held everything
For a moment,
Wasn't I a king?
But If I'd only known,
How the king would fall
Hey who's to say,
You know I might have changed it all

And now,
I'm glad I didn't know
The way It all would end
The way It all would go
Our lives,
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance

It's my life,
It's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'da had to miss,
The dance

Censor

Sometimes, even if you do have something to blog about, you can't, because you want to be respectful of other people's boundaries, or because sometimes something just affects too many people you care about. And sometimes you just don't want to be that girl, who can't stop bitching.
So tonight? I've got nothing.

Grammar Nazi

Last night I was reading through the "literature," getting ready to register for the BreakForth conference. I've gone for a few years now, and it's always an experience - usually a good one! There's classes in songwriting, leadership, vocal technique as well as all the ones I don't take, like men's ministry, children's, drama, and a bunch of other things that are currently slipping my mind, because they don't really interest me (shh, don't tell.)
What I noticed, though, was the ridiculous number of grammar, spelling and punctuation errors within the flyer. It's a huge conference - nearly 7000 attendees last year. I wonder, with that many people, and that much money flowing through (though I know it's not as expensive as it could be,) how they managed not to hire a competent editor. There's really no excuse for using an apostrophe to express plurality!
Now, I know that I've made errors in my writing, and of course on my blog. But since I'm blogging for fun, and since I don't have thousands of people reading, I don't feel it's as important. Of course, I'd never purposely be lazy with my grammar, but when you're blogging at 2am, sometimes the little things slip. But trust me - I still know the difference between their, there and they're. Because, really, bad grammar makes me [sic].

Nibbling Wookies

Dude, this NaBloPoMo is hard stuff. I've been pretty mellow today. My ever so exciting day involved getting a massage (mmm) and dropping by the church to talk with Mike. More CD talk...it's a busy sort of thing, just in case you didn't know. :-) Somehow, some way, I have to figure out how to get everyone in the studio at the same time. It's proving to be a bit of a challenge!
I'm excited to get started, and I'm getting a little anxious, really. Got to remember to wait, and trust. And all those good things. Until then..
À demain.

Planning and Photog

I had a meeting this morning with Doug Perry, the producer and owner of the recording studio I'll be working with for my album. I played through my rough set of songs, and he grotesquely overused the word "sweet." Still, if someone's going to repeat a word gratuitously while hearing your songs for the first time, it's certainly better than "nice" or "hmm..." or "interesting", or even "you suck" although a suppose that last one is more of a phrase than a word.
I played about twelve songs for him, and managed to snag Mike for five minutes to help me sing the one duet (No Greater Love) and we chose which songs we'd begin with when recording. When we got to the last one, and I finished, Doug asked me how I felt about that particular song. I replied (verbosely,) "Meh." Him: "Yeah, it shows." Ouch! And yet, very useful, because now I know I don't want that song on the album. Since I was having trouble narrowing it down, it was quite beneficial.
After the meeting with Doug, I gave Robyn a ring (heh alliteration) as she'd asked me to help her with her headshots. We found a neutral background (the wall outside of Winners) and snapped away. She seemed very happy with the way they came out, which in turn made me rather happy myself. You can see them here.
However, the one on the left is kind of my favorite. I took it as we were wandering through WalMart - searching for replacement earring backs, which we both lose with alarming regularity. We found a bin full of plush licensed characters...and Robyn went straight for the Superman. She's always had a bit of a thing for Clark Kent look-alikes...
After a long wait in line for the photos, I took Rob to youth, then went over to Pam and Brent's to watch Heroes. Are you watching Heroes? If not, why? Do you hate television? Do you have something against adorable Japanese men who stop time and then exult over it? Because Hiro's really cute. Where else on prime time network television can you see people fly!? Love. Truly.
Now, it's nearly midnight and I'm about to turn into a pumpkin, so I'm going to finish watching Headlines, then hit the sack. Sleep well, my pretties.
PS - (I never go to bed when I want to) - via the aforementioned (and much-mentioned) Robyn...

Which File Extension are You?

Chanteuse

I'm all about the music lately, eh? I sang at church this morning, and loved it, as usual. I was told I even did a good job harmonizing on the national anthem - not all that easy! Because it wasn't my "band" week, but rather Mike had asked me specifically to sing (second choice to his wife...fair enough ;-) heh) I got to focus on just one thing...no piano, just singing.
Also, to make it even better (in my estimation) I was the only one singing harmony. So I got to really just make things up as I went along - which is good, since it was a relatively last minute thing. I love singing harmony "alone", but it gives me so much freedom to run between the alto and tenor parts, to go below or above the melody. It's so much fun, and Mike is so easy to sing with - he of the rather dulcet tones. Singing with talented people seems to raise one's own skill level accordingly...so I've got a bit of a jump to catch up with Mike. But it's fun!
Aaand...I'm redundant! So I'd better just shutup now. Later.

Songwriter's Mind

Well, if I don't post in the next forty minutes, the wookies are gonna get me. So I thought I'd give ya'll a wee peek into my songwriting brain.
I haven't written a song in...well, here's something scary...I don't remember. The last few I wrote weren't very good. The more I get on a mental and emotional downward slide, the less I write. It seems I have to be at a "medium" depression level. I can't be too happy, or I lose the desperation that is apparently so important to my writing; I forget how entirely dependent I am.
But if I'm too low...then I can't get out of bed, can't make it to the piano, and I have no motivation. But somehow, I can't find the happy medium. I'm up, or I'm down, and I'm never level.
My songwriting, my school life, my relationships...they all seem to hinge on my mental health. And somehow I have to get that figured out.

Soundtrack

The lovely Chantal has given me what I figure's a pretty cool blog idea, and so I'm going to tag her to do the exact same one on her blog, since she's overdue for an update too. ;-)
So without further ado, I present the Soundtrack to My Life:

When I feel... I listen to...

Lost ..................................Run to Me - Paul Brandt

Depressed .......................Fix You - Coldplay

Happy ..............................Perfect Day - Hoku

Angry ...............................One Step Closer - Linkin Park (or any Linkin Park)

Homesick .........................Home - Michael Bublé

Overwhelmed .................Cable Car - The Fray

In Love .............................Little Moments - Brad Paisley
(or thinking about
what it'll be like.)

Frustrated ........................Clumsy - Chris Rice

And there's a million more, because I'm a music person. And I fully realize that a couple of these songs suck...but I don't really care. :-) If we only ever listened to the really good music: the technically great, the divinely inspired...well...it'd leave a lot out. Besides, that Hoku song makes me smile.

Perspective

We had our first snow of the season today. I don't think I was quite ready for it! Snow used to be a lot of fun when we were kids, I think. When we lived in Regina, we used to build enormous snow forts, or more like snow caves. We could disappear for days, and the cold never seemed to bother us. (And this was Regina!)
How different things get when you grow up! Today, my first thought was that I'd have to scrape off my car. And then I got in and slid all over the road, which hadn't yet been plowed or sanded. And it was foggy, and I could hardly see a thing. And it made me all, gr.
So I kind of wish I was a kid again. Because a lot of things were a lot more fun.
Rewind?

NaBloPoMo

Well, here goes nothing, eh? I've not been so good at posting on the blog, so I thought I'd give myself a bit of a challenge.After all, if Yoda says it, it must be true. So I am committing to write a post every day for the rest of the month. Dang, this is gonna be hard! Does anyone have any ideas for me? :-D