Is anyone good at thinking up titles?

Well, Christmas was lovely, even though it was two days early, and the drive back home wasn't too bad - though it was definitely winter road conditions!
It was lovely to spend time with my Grandparents, and to hang out with Mum and play some real Scrabble, instead of just Facebook's Scrabulous. I still beat her most of the time in person, too ;-)
I had a couple crash days when I got back to the Loops, just being a homebody and enjoying the time alone. I got my house more in order, and spent time with friends I hadn't seen in months. Tonight, my "little brother" whom I affectionately call Brianna (and he just loves that) and I watched the Bruce Willis movie "Live Free or Die Hard" which was huge and cheesy and full of corny one-liners which was precisely what you expect (even want!) from an action flick. I cooked dinner for us, and we ate some steaks I had left in the freezer. Explosions and steak - a very manly sort of night. Also occurring was the checking (and re-checking) of the hockey scores, in which the 'Nucks stomped the Flames 5-3. W00t! Brianna is torn, though - he's a BC boy all the way, but he lives in Calgary and works at the Saddledome. It makes for somewhat divided loyalties. ;-)
Anyhow, I'm well, and still around, so I thought I'd pop in. More soon, I'm sure, but for now, I've a lot more reading and writing to do. Ciao!

On Depression

Those of you who know your way around the blogosphere are very likely you know of Dooce, aka Heather Armstrong. However, if you don't, she's a popular blogger who's been writing about her life, her family, and her depression for several years now. From her site today, I clicked a link to a post her husband Jon had written on what it means to live with someone who has clinical depression. You can tell by reading it that it takes some special adjustments, and a lot of patience, but you can also tell that he loves her very much.
I thought that some of the people who know me might benefit from reading it, because it's hard to know what to do, or say. Or, if you want a greater understanding of depression for another reason, it's still well worth a look. If you'd like to read, click here.

Slow Lane

Well, the last few days have been pretty uneventful, but not in a bad way!  I've been mostly just hanging out with my mum and grandparents, and drinking more tea than I have in months ;-)  

Last night Mum and I joined one of her best friends and the friend's daughter and mum (my "Grandma Lynn") for a multi-generational exploration of the Butchart Gardens Christmas Show. It was lovely, and nice and warm, too!  I'm having a bit of a time adjusting to above-zero weather after the first month of winter at home, but I'm sure not complaining!  I tried to get a few pictures, but since it was dark, they obviously didn't turn out too well.  My camera's not fancy enough nor are my hands steady enough to handle that sort of thing!

After the light show, we went over to "Auntie" Wendy's (Mum's friend) for some delicious pizza and chat, and I shanghaied their piano for a little while to play for the first time in months.  I was forced to acknowledge that I only really know two Christmas songs off by heart.  Since they're my favourites (What Child is This and O Come Emmanuel) I guess that's not so bad!

I'm heading over to the Gs' with Mum again in a little bit and we'll have dinner and watch the hockey game there, then I'll stay the night and head to church with Granny in the morning, then the rest of the day is reserved for working on a long-procrastinated essay.  I'd better take it easy, ya'll, this life is about more than I can handle.  

  

Je Suis Arrivee

Hi. I'm at the Gs, and not dead. Huzzah! And goodnight :P

A Pox on Bossy Old Men!

I'm getting ready to leave for Christmas holidays at my Grandparents' house tomorrow, and this involved picking up some new wiper blades at WalMart and filling up on gas. I decided to switch out the wipers at the gas station since the filling overhang was about as sheltered as I was likely to get! So I fill my tank, top up my windshield washer fluid, and get to work on the wipers. I pop the old ones off, and get the first one on with no problem. I have a bit of a brain fart with the driver's side and am sort of standing there looking at it when this 60-something man pulls up in a white Buick and decides that I need his help.
"Here, let me get that for you, young lady."
"Oh, that's okay, thanks! It's just been a while since I did this last, but I got the passenger side, so I'm sure it'll be no problem."
"No, no, let me have it."
So I give in to him, and he tries to put it on. And tries. "Hm, did another little piece come with this?"
"No...but the other one worked fine. I'll get it, don't worry!"
"Hmm..." Fiddles some more. "Well, I think you have the wrong one, here."
"No, I don't think so, I checked the little product guide, and this is the one they said for the 2003 Honda Civic. Please sir, I'm sure I can figure it out, I'll be fine, you just go on."
"Hmm...do you have the old one?" Digs it out of the trash. "Hm, I see, I see." Fiddles, fusses, and eventually gets the old one back on. Great, I think, we have now regressed five minutes.
And then he gets the old one back on somehow. "Hmm," he says (yes, he really did say hm that much.) "Well, I seem to have got it on," (No, really?) "But it shouldn't be moving like this." He slides it back and forth. "You need the one with the screw here." Points. "Where did you get this?"
"Wal Mart."
"Well, you keep this package here, and you take it back to them, take it to their...what's it called?"
"Automotive?"
"Yeah, their automotive department, and get them to help you out there."
"Right...well, thanks sir. You have a good night, now."
"Yup."
So he leaves, and I pull my car forward because some poor woman has been behind me waiting for the pump. I get out, go pay, then head back to my car. I have a look at the wiper, take two seconds, and pop it on properly - as I'd been wanting to do since about one minute into the man's effort. I shake my head, get in the car, and drive home.
But it bothers me...it pisses me off to know that he never would have stopped if it were a young man there. It's my car, and even if I don't know how to do it, then I want to follow the instructions and get it done so I'll learn! It's not the offer to help that bothers me, though. Heck, that even happened last year, albeit with a much younger man, in the WalMart parking lot. The difference was, when I said, "No thanks, I'm okay" to the younger man, he listened. Chivalry is the offer to help, chauvinism is continuing to push your way of things on me after I've refused it. My need to be kind and polite, especially with the fish symbol on the back of my car, overrode my annoyance at the gas station, but now that I'm home? I'm a bit peeved at the man. So anyway, a pox on bossy old men!

PS - Speaking of old men, just of the non-bossy variety...hi Grampy! ;-) I'll give you guys a call when I leave town in the morning (probably around 9 or maybe 10) and keep you posted as to my trip. I'm stopping in Van for a while to visit a friend, but I'll let you know when I get on the ferry, too! Love you! And see you tomorrow!!! :-D

Whirling Dervish

Well, I'm just a little dizzy today...and it's not entirely the cold medicine, either! I stayed up all night studying with a couple other people from class, and though I tried to have a little sleep, I just couldn't pull it off. We wrote the exam at 9 o'clock this morning. I think it went okay? I hate waiting for exam results - and apparently we won't get these until we come back to class after the Christmas break. Boo-urns!
Anyhow, my...that is, my friend's...thing with the snacks is all taken care of now. I...oh, ok, I...because it's a pain to write it in third person :P I stopped by the grocery store and grabbed one thing of oven-ready phyllo -type hors d'oeuvres, then got the stuff for and made mint chocolate chunk brownies (an experiment...currently in the oven), spinach dip and a sourdough "bowl" and the ever-present veggie platter. Someone's gotta take care of the healthy people ;-)
Pam, knowing that I was sorta crazy today, also volunteered to help out, so she's making some cookies (shortbread or sugar cookies, or something like that. We figured she should do something Christmasy.) I know I always go a bit overboard when I do snacks, but I don't go over budget (the church reimburses us for what we buy for YA.) I really enjoy it, though, and to be honest, I love having people tell me I'm a good cook!
One of the things I dislike most about living alone is that I don't often cook, because there's no one for whom to cook.

Hypothetical Question

If perchance my friend was stupid enough to volunteer to bring snacks for something for 20ish people, smack dab in between her exams, what would you suggest she take? It can't be just a few bags of chips, you understand, as she does have a reputation to maintain. I'd...I mean, she'd...also like it to have a bit of a holiday flavour. Some time involvement is ok, as a bit of a study break would be appreciated, but it can't be an all day affair! Any suggestions, my dear internet friends?

Grace!

Hi there. I' in the midst of trying out a new wintry sort of template, but I'm halfway through editing it and realizing I've a lot more studying to do if I want to go out to care group tonight! So for now, it looks crummy and un-matchy and is driving me nuts, but just bear with me!
(Oh, and in editing? I realized I had a months-old typo on one of the sidebars. Shoot me now.)

Wonderland

It is snowing like mad out there! I'm glad that I won't have to drive again until after the roads are cleared. It's only December second, and I've already had more than enough of brushing snow off my car! Actually, I don't mind the snow brushing so much, it's the ice scraping that gets to me! Which is what happens, of course, when you drive your car and get it all warm, and then sit it in a snowy parking lot for a few hours while you watch a movie. Or, if like in the forecast, you go from -8 to +10 in a twelve hour period, then back again. That ought to be fun! But, I digress.
This afternoon, Laura, Jodi and I went to see a Disney movie. About a princess. I felt like I was about twelve again, and I loved it! We saw Enchanted, where a sickly-sweet cartoon princess gets warped into modern-day Manhattan. The way it mocked and yet totally maintained the "happily ever after" was really fun! Amy Adams did a great job as Princess Giselle, and McDreamy...well, I suppose we know what to expect from him! I also had fun figuring out some of the other characters - "Hey, that's Peter Pettigrew!" or "Ooh it's Maureen from RENT!" I'm generally not so hot at recognizing actors and actresses, but I always feel so clever when I do!
Now, though, I've got to get down to some serious textbook reading...and leave Wonderland behind.

Fait Accompli

It is the end of November, and do you know what that means? Why, it means I've successfully completed NaBloPoMo! I was a bit late a couple of times, but I do have an entry for each day. I just find myself being exceptionally glad that November isn't a 31-day month. We should consider doing National Blog Posting Month in February next time ;-) Just for the lazy folks like me!
Em's coming over for dinner tonight, and though I think I know what I'm cooking (pasta with alfredo and kielbasa) I don't know what movie we're going to watch afterwards. I've got a few rented out from the library that I've always meant to see (Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, 16 Candles - nope, never saw it, The Breakfast Club - what kind of 80s child am I, anyway? and finally, The Notebook.) I read the book, The Notebook, but never saw the movie. Anyhow, Em and I are probably more likely to go find some action flick anyway. We'll see. Either way I'm sure it'll be quite a fun evening!

Bad Blogger, No Cookie

Well, I crashed as soon as I got home from school last night, and missed a friend's birthday party along with my blog entry. So I'm a bit of a jerkface. Since it's so stinkin early in the morning, I'm going to write this entry and "count" it for last night and write another later today.
I can smell dinner cooking upstairs at my landlords' place, and it totally threw me off, making me think I'd slept for like 24 hours, but I guess it means they're just getting a very early start! Which reminds me, I won a crockpot!
There was a little contest at the liquor store, so I filled in my form and hoped for the best and now I'm the proud owner of a pretty little five quart stainless steel slow cooker. I'm going to have to stop saying I never win anything! So now I have this thing, and it's the perfect time of year for it, too. I just have to decide what I'd like to cook in it first! Any suggestions or positively brilliant recipes? Fill me in - and fill me up!

East to West

I put Mum back on the plane today to send her home. It was a nice visit, and very good to have her here - there's just nothing like a mommy hug to perk up your day. The last little while has been a bit rough, though I think a lot of the emotional roller-coaster is due to the fact that I'm not sleeping well. I'm running on about three hours of sleep, and I think the only thing that's kept me going is the diet Pepsi (boo. I'm so a Coke girl) I had with my lunch. So, for now, I'm just going to leave you with some of the lyrics of a song I've been loving lately. I just bought the album, The Altar and the Door, off of iTunes. I've loved Casting Crowns since I first heard "Who I Am" and this album is absolutely no exception.

from East to West...

Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

Stolen From Robyn

Because we are all about the lazy content as we're on the closing streak of NaBloPoMo!

Because I'm tired and can't think of anything interesting to write tonight:
Three Things about me you may not have known. (And the nice thing is, it is a short version! Yeah!)

Three jobs I have had in my life:

1. Gas Station Attendant - night shifts! ('99)
2. Craft Store Customer Service (days) ('99)
3. Grocery Cashier ('04-'06)

Places that I have lived:

1. Kamloops
2. Regina
3. Terrace

Three TV shows I like to watch:

1. Heroes
2. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
3. The Colbert Report

Three of my favorite foods:

1. Pizza
2. Pasta (Really well made homemade lasagna, or my own alfredo.)
3. Kraft Dinner. Seriously. I know that's gross. Maybe French Toast? Love that too. But I'll just go with my grody first instinct. KD it is.

Three of my favorite drinks

1. Raspberry Sprite from Earls (just had one tonight!)
2. Water with lemon - and a straw, so I don't dump ice all over myself.
3. Milk. Wow do I love milk. I drink so much of it, too!

Three places where I would rather be right now:

1. About two weeks into the future - done exams, and at my grandparents' place.
2. Vacationing anywhere warm! I think I want to go to the south of France at some point.
3. In the studio. I wish I could get something DONE!!

Three people I am tagging:

Nobody. Anybody. Everybody. (Yes, am too lazy to think of people.)

So there's that for tonight. Hope you're having a great week so far!
Oh - and I'm so stoked - only one one-hour seminar left before I'm done classes (not projects or exams, but classes) for the semester. W00t!

Snow Day

Well, we had our first "real" snowfall of the day today! It dusted a bit a few days ago, but not enough to stick on the roads. Tonight, though, it snowed about 4 inches in three hours. It made driving home just a bit dodgy! With the first snowfall, it always takes me a minute or two to get back into the swing of things.
Of course, everyone else seems to take a week or two, if they learn at all! All I can say is that I'm very glad I don't live somewhere that it hardly ever snows, and everyone becomes an idiot the moment the white stuff hits the streets. Even though it's fairly annoying to deal with it on the roads, the way it looks on that first day, or that first night, is totally worth it. It's so beautiful when it's sparkling and fresh and clean!! By tomorrow morning it'll all be brown, rock-filled slush, of course. But today? It's a beautiful reminder...

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
- Psalm 51:7

24

Happy Birthday to Me :-)

Well...(That's a deep subject.)

Fancy that, I'm late again ;) Not all that surprising on a weekend night, though. I just got home from watching "our" boys play hockey - and this time we actually went to the right arena! So that was an accomplishment in and of itself. We weren't cheering for one team or another, since it's a rec league and we had one guy on each team, but one of our guys scored a goal! Go Ruzzle! Sadly, apparently there weren't enough guys signed up to keep the league going, so tonight was there last game. The guys were pretty bummed about that. They have to find a pond to play on, now, or something.
Anyway, I've got a big day ahead of me tomorrow, since I'm in the nursery at church in first service (9am. So early :P) and then I've got to pick up my mum at the airport, because she's coming to visit meee! Why is she coming to visit you ask? Well, I'll tell you! It's my birthday! (Technically, right now, since it's the 25th. But I don't think it really counts til I wake up in the morning. Not that it stopped me from making Em wish me a happy birthday at 12:01.)
So after lunch with Mum, I'm going to try to hit a church potluck thing in the afternoon, dinner with my little sister, and then maybe something again with friends later, if I can rope someone else into handling the details, because I'm feeling sort of lazy.
So for now, to bed, and try to warm up my poor feet from hockey rink coldness. Talk to ya'll tomorrow, when I'll be...dun dun dun! Twenty-four. (Jack Bauer thinks my birthday is hawt.)

Missing the Music

Since my little 70s folk performance the other night, I've actually been playing my guitar a little bit, which makes me tremendously happy. I really don't know why I don't play more, other than because the urge usually strikes me in the wee hours of the morning, and my landlords probably wouldn't appreciate that.
Since I'm not playing on the worship teams right now, or doing anything at all musical at the church, I feel like a little part of me is dead. I know I needed the break, and I had really good reasons for taking it, but I feel a little empty now. I didn't miss it right at first, so I don't think it's so much to do with missing the routine I had since I was 12.
But I do miss it. I miss playing, especially jamming with a band. I miss the sense of community, and I miss the freedom in worship. I miss being with people who understand what it is to lose yourself in the song, in the meaning of it.
I really, really miss the piano. Guitar's just not the same for me. I don't have nearly the same ease, or the ability to make the music I hear in my head. It's as if they're whole other languages, and piano's like English to me - my mother tongue. Guitar, though, I just struggle along. Enough to make myself understood if absolutely necessary, but not with any sort of fluency.
So I guess lately, I feel like I haven't been able to speak. I've played this game before, where you're not allowed to speak until it's your turn. It's hard for me, because yeah, I have a big mouth, but also because I have something to say, and I want to share it. I don't do quiet well, and being musically mute is wearing on my soul.

Shock and Awe

I'm late again. Surprise! (That sentence sounds like I'm pregnant. I am most emphatically NOT.)
I just walked into the door after another late-night project meeting - and it wasn't even intended to be so. Meg invited me over for dinner, and I was more than happy to accept. We weren't even planning on working on our proposals anymore (group project, but individual proposals.) I thought I was done. Since she wasn't finished yet, I said I'd show her mine. Somehow, that degenerated into an all-night work group.
Oh, and major kudos and love to Meg and her boyfriend, who, because our prof wants the papers physically handed in to her at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning, have agreed to take mine in for me, since I don't have class. Much, much love to them for that!
Anyhow, I'm glad that we did it, and that we know absolutely adhere to all the ridiculously (and I mean ridiculously) strict APA guidelines. But if I ever meet the sadistic so-and-so who wrote the APA style manual, I am going to enthusiastically present him with the gift of ten thousand *cough*punchesintheface*cough*. Him, and anyone else who dares attempt to wake me in the next eight hours.

Out of the House

Yup, that's right, I actually left the house for something other than a group project. Although I can't say it wasn't school related! Tonight was the Psych Department's annual social/mixer thingamajig. (I love, absolutely love, that thingamajig is considered a word by Spell Check.)
Now, am I the only one whose feet feel completely inverted after a night of wearing heels?
It was fun, even though I didn't know many people other than the profs. My project partners are good for a laugh, if nothing else. And it's surprisingly fun to sing Eric Clapton while your Theories of Personality prof plays guitar. Who knew!
Also, because Meg, one of my project partners, heard me sing earlier today, she insisted I get up for the open mic. Since I could not find one bit of common taste (other than the Eric Clapton to which I didn't know all the words) I ended up picking something with a whole three chords so I could manage to accompany myself! I was told by one of my profs that she used to play and sing it - I chose "Leaving on a Jet Plane." Hey, it's easy! 70s folk usually is. People actually stopped talking to listen, and I got some friendly applause after, so it was quite fun.
The very first thing I did when I got in my car was put in my Eric Clapton "Unplugged" CD. Wow, that is a fantastic album - and I'm more than happy to have a reminder to listen to it again! Other things to be happy for? An actual chance to leave the house!

A Lyrical Post

Not much creativity, so here's a song I love. Bring The Rain, by Mercy Me. Like most of the songs I love, it makes me cry. Go figure. If you want to listen, you can find it here.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain 

Oh Yeah.

It probably was that bad. I stayed up all night to finish one essay, caught a couple hours of sleep, then headed in to the school for an exam. Even though it was open book, it was an essay and required writing skills I'd already well beyond exhausted. Just now, I got a somewhat frantic phone call from a group project member about a proposal that's due on Thursday, making sure we're all on the same page and arranging to get together on Wednesday.
Tomorrow morning I've got to get up early and head in to the lab for a project that can only be done on the school computers, since they have SPSS (a statistical analysis program.)
I ate something spicy for dinner, because it was quick and easy, even though I already had heartburn from not eating dinner until so late. Sometimes I am just soooo clever.
Only a little over two weeks more of this. Thank God! Because good golly Miss Molly, I am plumb tuckered out.

Papers? What papers?

I just got back from a three hour brain-drain project with a couple of friends/fellow students from one of my classes. They were great, but it felt like it took so much time for us to do so little and so I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed.
This is a totally crazy time for school, and it feels like there are papers and projects due left right and centre. I have an in-class final exam tomorrow as well, and an essay due for the same class (past due, actually) for which I've already been granted an extension. My profs have, as always, been totally gracious and understanding with me but sometimes not even that is enough to keep me from freaking the heck out.
I've got to remember that the end is in sight, and that I can do this, that I'm not stupid - even when I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the IQ barrel. Take a deep breath, make some tea, and write a paper. Here goes.

Just Right

There's always a great variety of friends in one's life. One of these most blessed varieties in mine is the sort with whom you can laugh over the most idiotic things. For me, this group includes my dear, dear friend Emily. I said earlier that I am very blessed to have two wonderful Emilys in my life - the other being my baby sister.
A little earlier tonight, Em called me. After a few minutes of nonsense talk, I asked her, "So what are you up to tonight anyway?" "Nothing," she replied. Then we talked nonsense for a few more minutes. I interjected again, "Uh, Em, do you want to be doing nothing tonight?"
"NOOOO!"
Me: laughing. "So, would you like to get a cup of coffee?"
"Yes please!" "Dork. Why didn't you just ask me?"
"Well, I didn't know if you were doing something or not!"
We'd been on the phone for 15 minutes at this point. She's a total goof, and I adore her. We went to Earls for dessert and coffee, and a highlight of that - other than the delicious warm gingerbread cake - was that I got to see my little sister Bev, who works there. She actually got assigned to serve our table, even though she's a hostess (but server in training) which led to such fun as writing "I <3 U" on my napkin and leaving it for her when she cleared the table.
At one point in the dinner conversation, we decided to compare the stupidest things we'd ever done over boys, which lasted quite a while in a rather amusing process of oneupmanship. "I did this when I was 14." "Oh yeah? Well I..." It was hysterical, I promise you. Obviously, in accordance with the rules of girlfriendhood I cannot fully divulge the details. I can, however, share with you a couple of the other highlights of my evening.
Em: "So, what else can we dork about?" That's right, it's a verb now.
Em, again (can you tell she's the funny one?)...to the tune of the "ribs" song from Chili's..."I want my paperback, paperback, paperback..."
Ok, I get that these are basically only funny to the two of us, but I laughed more than I've laughed in a long time. And just in case you can't appreciate teh funny, I will also share with you a bit of the sap...
Em: "Hanging out with you was just what I needed. You make me happy."
Same goes, babe. Same goes.

NaBloPoMo Nazis Gonna Get Me

Yes, yes, I realize I'm late. Hush. What really defines a "day" after all? ;) I only just walked in the door. I was helping out a friend tonight who was catering a fund raising dinner - supposedly for 83 people. We figure around 120 showed up, and apparently there were complaints about small portion sizes. I think getting them all through was quite an impressive feat, actually!
It's funny, I've never waitressed or served in any sort of official capacity but I've done enough of these church banquets and the like that I'm quite confident in my ability to do a good job. I was tempted, though, to smack the hand of the lady who sneaked a piece of roast beef from the carefully rationed platters when she thought my back was turned.
As a thank-you for helping out, my catering friend generously took us all out to eat afterwards. It was lovely to sit down, and nice to talk with some people I hadn't had much chance to talk with lately.
Now, though, I'm dead on my feet (or on my butt, if we're entirely accurate) and so bid you good night, or good morning, or whatever it is for you at this precise moment in time. Ciao!

Good Surprises and Escapism

I got a phone call from my mum last night. Well, actually, I got a Facebook message, and a text message, telling me she had a surprise and was it better to text or call. (You wish your mom was as hip as mine.) Finally, after leaving me in suspense for a terrible ten minutes, she let me know that she's coming to visit me for my birthday on the 25th. :-) So that will be fun, we'll have a little adventure!
/segue/
I'm due to stats class in half an hour. It's really more interesting than the last stats class I had to take, and the prof is way better at making it make sense, but still *whine* it's freakin statistics.
I don't want to go; I want to crawl back into my nice warm bed. I will go, because hey I'm up and dressed anyway :P But it's getting to that point in the semester where I am so stressed out because I have so many things to do and each and every one of them is absolutely important. So I just wish I could escape for a couple of hours. And I think I might - grab a book, and settle in for a couple hours this afternoon. Maybe even make myself a mug of hot chocolate. I think that might be just what the doctor ordered, in fact. But first - I'm off to make it through statistics. Whee!

Elementary School Rewind

As seen chez Zoot, I'm going to write an acrostic poem about myself. Because I want to pretend I'm still in grade 6, mmk?

H - Headstrong. I can easily picture a horse chafing at the bit, and I know that I'm stubborn even when it's not for the best. Sometimes it's a good quality, and sometimes it's bad - and sometimes I have trouble controlling it.
E - Emotional. It's a little ridiculous - a birthday post written from one of my blogfriends to his wife about made me cry today. It's worse when I'm tired and stressed of course, but I am just one heckuva interesting roller coaster.
A - Aspiring. To a lot of things, really - to be a helper, a healer, a good listener. A poet, a songstress and a prophet.
T - Terrified. Not permanently, but often enough. That I'll fail, or that I won't. That I'm too much, or not enough. Dual-spectrum fears, every one of them.
H - Humbled. Daily, by the sacrifices others make and the things that they live through. I wish I were a more humble person, inherently.
E - Empty. Just at the moment - a bit of end-of-semester burnout. I've got a few big papers to write in the next couple days and I'm a bit overwhelmed, and hardly overflowing in creativity.
R - Ransomed. One of my favourite words to use when writing about what God has done for me. As though I sold myself into slavery, and He bought me back. It's a precious, powerful picture, and I'd do well to remember it more often.

There you have it. Me, in an elementary poetic form. What are your favourite and least-so characteristics about me? (honestly!) And about yourself?

Ow.

Have you ever tried to dig a very tiny, but extremely well-embedded itsy bitsy piece of glass from the sole of your foot? If you have not, allow me to assure you from my now vast experience that it is in fact very painful. I tried unsuccessfully several times over the last week and had basically given up and was about to allow it permanent residence in my poor little (ha!) foot. If I didn't put my weight on my foot just so, it didn't hurt *too* badly. (Obviously, I am an idiot.)
Now, if you don't believe me as to how wee and difficult to remove it was, I offer you Exhibit A (henceforth to be known as the only exhibit, because, duh.)That little thing took me about half of forever to find! I'm just glad it was in the tough part of my foot and therefore most of the retrieval was in fact painless.
And yes, I know I'm *way* over-dramatizing this, but hey, what's NaBloPoMo and a personal blog if not an invitation to shameless hyperbole? ;)
Anyhow - all better now. I can rest easy tonight - and walk easy tomorrow, finally! Woot!

Borrowed Kitty Explains

What I will be doing for the rest of tonight, as illustrated by the internet phenomenon that is lolcats:

moar funny pictures
Mmm gonna sleep, kthxbai.

Remember

There's not too much on my mind today, other than the sacrifice of great men and women throughout the ages. I'm thankful for those who've given of themselves in the past, and for those who are giving now. Even when I don't agree with why they're fighting, my first and foremost prayer is that they would make it home with body and soul intact.
I've been thinking about not just the physical sacrifices that were made, loss of life and limb, but of the many who come back from something so terrible as war with their minds understandably but tragically shattered.
I think they too often get forgotten. It's too easy to write off a "crazy old man" and never know his story - but chances are that they've survived some kind of war, whether a military battle or "just" the war of their own brain chemistry. These older, sometimes shabby, sometimes homeless men are weighing heavy on my heart.
Spare a thought, a prayer for them? And if you have the chance, a kind word or a cup of coffee. No one should be so invisible to much of the population. Instead, remember.

Bah Humbug

The Christmas rush seems to start earlier and earlier every year, doesn't it? It's been entirely homogenized with American Thanksgiving into the "Holiday Season" and seems to jump ahead even of Halloween in the retail market. I swear, pretty soon it'll be "Only 11 months 'til Christmas - get your deals now!"
But really, why should it bother me? Sure, it's vastly commercialized and all, and the door crasher sales bring out the Scrooge in everyone, but the over-arching feeling is still one of goodwill, isn't it?
You know, I thought that was why I'm cranky, but I could be wrong. Maybe it's the dead sexy remains of pinkeye, or the piece of glass that I can't seem to get out of my foot, or that I've been cold for like three weeks with no sign of relief until May. Perhaps it's the skin around my mouth that's so dry that it really, really hurts when I smile. Or maybe I just miss my mommy :P And yes, I fully realize the irony of this post after the last couple, and I do not that really I am very lucky, but the daily posting means even when I don't feel like it, even when I'm cranky. So, where was I? Oh yeah. Bah humbug. :-P

As long as I'm being all serious...

I might as well get philosophical, too. A friend asked me earlier to help her give an answer to someone who asked if she believed in miracles, and why God didn't heal amputees. I tried my best to give an answer and thought I'd share it here, as well, if expanded a bit. So why doesn't God always heal the broken?

That's a tough question, for sure. Because if God can heal people, why not heal everyone, right? I believe that He can and does heal, by I don't know why He heals some and not others. I sometimes get angry and wish God would heal me of my depression. But then I remember that because I feel this way, I've been able to understand others who are hurting, and I can write songs about depending on God that have spoken to His people. Maybe that "unhealed" amputee would have lost their life, and not just their limb, if God hadn't intervened? How are we to know, and who are we to assume we know better?
Our lives are a series of choices that lead us to various destinations and both positive and negative consequences, and God couldn't stop all bad things from happening without eliminating the gift of free will! Sometimes it's not an issue of fault or deserving, but just being in the wrong place at the wrong time - or maybe it's right. Perhaps a man who lost his legs had aims to be an athlete, but since he can't do that, at least in the way he'd planned, he's now an international lawyer advocating for children's rights in war-torn countries? Most would say that's a greater purpose, or at least a more altruistic one. We can't see what's going to happen, or what would have happened. Like everything else with Christianity, it requires trust and faith - to believe that "all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
And I do believe that: that even when I can't see the point, God has a purpose. After all, this world is a whole lot bigger than just you and me. As I mentioned yesterday, most of us here are so tremendously blessed, and would do well to remember it. I guess me writing this right now is my way of reminding myself, and the question from a friend God's way of prompting me to keep perspective. And if I needed just one more reminder, the song on my iTunes shuffle? Brian Doerkson's "Faithful One."*
*if you don't know it, you can find the lyrics here.

Grateful and Shamed

I spend a good deal of time last night looking at this set of photos, and reading the photographer's thoughts. He shows and talks about Vancouver's downtown Eastside...I've been, but never stuck around for long. It's a bit scary, even in broad daylight.
It was one of many times that the well-deserved guilt hit me. What have I done for these people, or for people like them? No, I'm not really in a position to give money, but I have time. I can cook or hand out sandwiches or just sit and listen to someone tell their story. It doesn't have to be in Vancouver, of course. It can be at the mission in town, or down at the park. But I've been convicted once again that I need to do something.
I worry and get stressed out about money and debt and a thousand other things, and I forget that which should be impossible to forget. I am so very blessed. I have an amazing family whom I love, friendships I treasure, comparatively excellent health - depression doesn't seem as grave compared to a 70% HepC infection rate, or 30% AIDS. I have a warm roof over my head and food in my kitchen and so many things that it is unfairly easy to take for granted. And I never should. I'm grateful for these things, and shamed that I forget them. Shamed, too, that I do so little to hep out - and grateful that each new day brings a chance to start again, and to try to make a difference.

I'm Too Sexy...

...for your conjunctivitis. :P
Yeah it's been going around and now I'm been attacked by a simply lovely case of pinkeye. The one-eyed look is very hot this year, you know. I'm even thinking of investing in a pirate patch. Too bad this didn't happen close to Halloween, or it would have been a great costume idea.
I also want to share with you this video I found through Jen...

Except that so, so badly, in order to sound just a little more like my mum, I want her to end with, instead of tada, "Because I'm the mom, that's why!" (And, it would rhyme.)

MacTastic

So I did what I've been thinking of for a while - I finally caved and bought a MacBook. Ever since my DELL died (Boo, again, just for good measure.) I've been meaning to get another laptop, but unsure if I wanted to "make do" with a budget model that I wouldn't neccesarily feel "safe" with, or to "splurge" and get the (base model) MacBook with its very reassuring AppleCare plan. (On student discount, as was the computer itself. W00t.) I decided to go for the Mac because I'm not at all into gaming, which is where I'm told it can lack, but I know it also has a great deal of potential for music editing and possibly producing (with hundreds of dollars worth of additional software, though, of course.) But it's important to me that the potential for growth and expansion is there.
Most importantly, though, it's a huge help for school. It's going to mean much, much easier note-taking in class, as I am an interminably slow writer but quite a decent typist. The keyboard and word-processing program (using NeoOffice) are fairly different, but I used them tonight in a three-hour lecture and I fared just fine. One neat thing about NeoOffice - or that will be neat once I get used to it - is that it auto-completes a lot of words, almost like a T9 function on a cel phone. Of course, the poor spell checker was going insane tonight with all of Erikson's absolutely made-up theoretical psych words. You've gotta love that about psychological theorists - if the word doesn't exist to fit their exact frame of mind, then just make up a new one! Or better yet, hijack one used by another theorist and change the meaning completely! (See: personality, ego, intelligence and any number of now-meaningless words.)
Now, between Erikson's *ahem* creative vocabulary, and a statistics quiz this morning, I've had a pretty mentally stimulating day, so I think I'd better pack it in. Rest assured, though - I won't turn into a total MacHead overnight. It ought to take a minimum of two days. :P

A Meme? Really? Meh.

Stolen from Kristina. Because I am desperate for content like that.

1. Describe your dream house/environment.
both I want a fairly "normal" house - not terribly extravagant. A nice kitchen with an island, enough bedrooms for my family plus a guest room, a home office and a music room (painted yellow with a wood finish grand piano, so long as we're going "dream house" here...)
Then outside, of course, there's land. A well-equipped barn and a couple much-loved horses - one with just a little bit of attitude for me, to keep it interesting, and a couple kind, gentle perfect-for-therapy horses for me to use for work.

2. Favorite physical feature of the same and opposite sex.
For some reason, I find well-defined arms on a guy really hott. On both, I love smiles and eyes. So beautifully expressive.

3. What’s the last entire CD that you fell in love with and couldn’t stop playing?
Brad Paisley's 5th Gear. I just love the guy, I'm tellin' ya. The writing is funny and sweet and nostalgic and wow can he play some guitar :)

4. What song do you want played at your funeral/wake?
I was thinking "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. But I'm guessing that'll change over the next fifty years or so :P

5. What’s your least favorite errand to run?
I really like running errands, actually, because it makes me feel so productive.

6. Three things that really steam your broccoli! (make you angry)
1: People who don't stand up for themselves, and the people who hold them down.
2: Anyone hurting or taking advantage of a child. I will rage.
3: Liars, fakers, hypocrites.

7. Do you believe in an afterlife?
Yes. One of the things I rarely doubt, actually.

8. Favorite children’s book.
Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree." And "Where The Wild Things Are." And "A Snoodle's Tale" from Veggie Tales which I *know* is a movie, but it's read like a storybook and so I'm counting it.

9. Why is __________ your all time favorite movie?
The Princess Bride, I think. Every single time I watch it, it makes me laugh. (Anybody want a peanut?)

10. BONUS QUESTION: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
I don't think I've even eaten one in years, so I have no idea.


Okay so there you go. Brilliant, evocative prose. I swear, I'll come up with something better soon.

Under The Wire

My writing muscles are a little overworked today. I've been trying to work on an essay with little success; I'm pretty much feeling brain dead. I'm certainly not feeling the "extra hour" from last night ;)
I can't think of a blasted thing to say, so please pardon the perfunctory post (<-holy alliteration, Batman!) and I'll try to be more interesting tomorrow.
Goodnight (small fraction of the) world!

The Late Muirnait

When did I become the person who's late all the time? I remember being exceedingly punctual - and joking that I was the only musician who ever showed up on time for rehearsals. And now? It's 7:53 and I was due at a party at seven o'clock - and I haven't finished dressing. It's an absolutely non-Halloween party, because it's being held at the church. We're apparently calling it a Jr High party, and we're supposed to dress like we did in Jr High. But I already thought of a costume for Halloween and since this is the only chance I have to wear it, I'm doing it anyway. (I'm stubborn like that.)
I'm going as an iPod commercial, you see. It's one of the ideas that I found for free/cheap/easy costumes on yon internets. I dress all in black, carry an iPod, and dance wildly. I suppose it would be a rather expensive costume if you didn't already own the iPod, but I do. An old one with no colour screen or anything! I am so hard core. Besides, I don't see the point of a music player that only holds 4GB. I'll take my 20GB any day - or a 40 or 80, ideally ;) I'm all about the music, so I don't really give a rip if I can play movies on a screen too small to make it worth my while!
From being late, to ranting about iPods. I'm sure I make perfect sense. Ah well. I'd better head out to the "Jr High" party, fashionably late though I am...because there's at least one person who'll care if I don't show up :P

About That Time

So it's November again and I am embarking on the ambitious task of posting every day. It's a tad daunting, as I doubt that I have anything interesting or relevant to say, but that's never stopped me before, so :P (This is probably why I shouldn't write in the mornings - less coherent than usual, even!)
Other than the new haircut, there's not really much going on. Yesterday, I helped Pam with a craft project (glue sticks and scissors and markers, oh my!) which was fun, had a seminar (as exciting as you'd expect) and attended a funeral, at which I sang in the choir. It was good to sing again, and to be part of something.
I think it was the most uplifting funeral I've ever attended. It was very much a celebration of her life. I didn't know her well, but I liked her, and liked what I heard about her from those who loved her. It was about hope, and faith, and a life well lived. I was more encouraged by this memorial service than I have been by church itself in a long time, and I'm very thankful for that. The lady had style, and there were jokes about St. Peter meeting her at the pearly gates with the latest Prada handbag. There was more to her, though, and a substance that ran deeper than style, and that's what was so inspiring. That was the beauty that chemo's baldness simply could not touch.
So thanks, M, for a life well lived, and leaving behind loved ones who would so touch my heart with their words. Thank you for the encouragement to face one more day, and another after it, and the picture of what a truly beautiful woman of God looks like. Thank you.

NaBloPoMo Kickoff - Ch-ch-changes

So, after long blonde hair since 1996, I got it cut. It's very exciting, and really saves me from wr
riting a post when I'm so tired. (Copping out on the first day, booyah.)

*Melt*

Nothing original to say, really, but I have just got to direct you over to Zoot's to see this absolutely adorable video of her two-year-old! Now, GO! Go on, GIT! ;)

Dog Days

I had a good day today! (Extra, Extra, Read All About It! :P) Odd, how that's more apt to happen on a day off ;)
The start was a bit inauspicious, as I was supposed to meet a friend to give her some moral support as her dog had to be put down and she was taking it very, very hard. However, from the name she gave me I was able to find neither online nor in the phone book any mention of that person or place! Since our friendship revolves around the library and Facebook, I didn't actually have her phone number, and couldn't get in touch with her to clarify things, and so I ended up of course not being able to be there for her and I felt like a total rotter.
After that, though, thankfully, things started to perk up. I headed on a brief walk to a now-almost-neighbour's house for a cup of tea (and a sinfully delicious apple torte.) We chatted for about two hours, laughed our heads off at some unrepeatable things, and she introduced me to The Dog Whisperer. I had never seen Cesar Milan before, and good heavens the man is brilliant! He's a dog trainer, if you haven't heard of him, and he has his own TV show on the National Geographic Channel. He's really so clever - especially in realizing that most of the time the trouble is with the owners, and not the dogs at all! Once he'd got the dogs behaving, they were so adorable and had me wishing so badly that I could have a puppy of my very own! (As I said to Pauline, "Well, if I can't have a baby, at least I should get a dog!")
The rest of the day was a quick trip to the library (I swear I have holds waiting every second day or so), a quick grocery shop and a bit of window-shopping and gazing longingly at cameras.
And now, another pathetically boring (but wonderfully cozy) Friday night, staying home with a glass of wine and a good book. You know, I think I kind of like being boring - in fact, all I'd need to make it utterly perfect is a comfy chair and a roaring fireplace. Oh - and a dog curled at my feet.

And Hymn Too

Doesn't everyone randomly get hymns stuck in their head for days on end? Oh, okay, just me. I figured. ;-) I had to share this one with you, though, as I thought it a particularly beautiful piece of poetry - and so many of these old songs don't deserve the slow slide into utter obscurity that seems to be their fate. This song is commonly called The Calligrapher's Hymn, formally titled The Love of God, and I just want to share with you this one verse:

Could we with ink the oceans fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the oceans dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky
Oh love of God, how rich and pure
How measureless, and strong
It shall forevermore endure
The saints and angels' song

I love it, and think it's such an incredibly beautiful picture. If you're so inclined, think on it a little, and give thanks.

Diversion

Don't mind me (and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.) I just feel the need to write a few words that aren't related to 18th Century literature, likely to give my brain a little jump start!
I'm about halfway through a 1500 word essay, due at 3:30 (though I have to be done before 2, as I have a coffee date.) I have no worries about my abilities to finish it, though. The first 702 words were accomplished quite easily in two hours. I do enjoy my status as champion B.S.er, I must say.
What I don't enjoy, of course, is being up before sunrise. I don't quite understand how people do it on a regular basis, even though it's nearly de rigeur in the wintertime. I can still remember waiting for the school bus as a child, in the dark, with my wet hair freezing into icicles. Blow-drying quickly became a necessity for health, if not for vanity. I still hate to blow-dry, though, as it seems like a terrible waste of time - and on my hair it is a great deal of time. So I'm more given to showering at night, and then I get the most amazing bed head in the mornings. Now that I actually do love - it's curly and a little wild, and if I could get it to stay like that all day I'd be rather..."chuffed." (Yes, I'm stealing a word from a Scottish friend.)
Well, I guess that's enough rambling for now! Back to my essay on the essays of Addison and Steele. Whee :P

Hero Hunt

There's a line in a song that I love...

"If the whole world goes wrong, I'll don a cape and fly to your rescue."

By Chris Rice, from his song "Let the Words Escape" on the album What A Heart Is Beating For. I truly think he's a brilliant lyricist, and manages to evoke such powerful thoughts and images with the simplest of words.
The line makes me so wistful, and envious - wishing I had my own superhero, someone willing to step up and come and save me. In a lot of ways, I think I already have that, in people who love me - and I know I have a Saviour. So why the longing for a hero?
I think, more than anything, it's this: I want to be the hero. Not only do I wish I could save others, I wish I could save myself. I'm slipping again, and it's dark down here.

Note: No worrying, Mum, I'm not suicidal, just "down." It happens, and I'm sure I'll get over it :P

Cleaning House

I want to get that last post pushed a bit down the page, even though ya'll seem to like commenting on it! ;-)
I'm feeling better since I wrote that, anyhow. Our girls' care group helped me perk up a bit...pretty amazing group of women there. I actually had a new friend of mine offer to do my dishes for me, since I told her that unlike a lot of depressed people, I still shower, dress, do my makeup...but I let my house get pretty bad. I've already had my dear Emily (the dear Emily who is not actually my sister...) come and help, too. But wow, what a blessing good friends are.
In other slightly less cheery news, I'm fairly sure I'm going to have to drop one of my classes. I'll still have three, which means I still qualify as full time and it won't cause any problems with student loans or anything. And considering I'm already a few credits ahead, I'll still graduate on track with no problem. But I'm still disappointed in myself. I know I probably jumped the gun, hoping I could handle four courses. And though I've always loved the quote, "Man's reach should exceed his grasp." I'm afraid it just didn't work for me this time around.
So I start over again, mentally, reassuring myself that I *can* do this, and I will.

Unenthused

To have my usual low energy level put upon by being sick...well, it kinda sucks. The only good thing is that I have actually been sleeping - from about 5pm to 7am every night. The bad thing is, I'm still tired. And cold - I'm guessing I won't be warm again until spring. There's supposed to be frost tonight. Silly Canada.
And I'm pretty sure my digital camera is dead. I thought it might just be the batteries. I recharged them - and it took one picture, and now it's dead again. Worse yet, it's stuck with the lens out. This makes me very sad, because I really like taking pictures.
...............................................................................................
I went to church today. I hated it. I don't feel like I belong there anymore, and I'm not sure what to do about that. It's not a terribly novel thing, to feel alone amidst a couple hundred people...but it seems especially tragic at church.
It's not everyone. There are some good people - some great people - like Jodi, who had lunch with me after the service. Then there's the people who say, "Hey, we noticed you haven't been here..." but it seems like more of a judgment than that they actually missed me. Or the people who only talk to you when they want something...or the people who never talk to you at all.
I keep hearing that church is a place for imperfect people - but I feel like it's only to a certain degree. You can have flaws - except these ones.
I've heard a lot of people bail out on church, saying, "I'm okay with God, it's His people I can't stand." And I've tried to talk them out of it - you can't expect people to be perfect, and Christians, like everyone else, are far from it. I think I underestimated how it feels to walk into that building and feel like no one really cares. And I know that there are people who tell me that they care about me - and they really mean it, or at least they think they do. And they'll even try. But there always comes a point where I'm too much for them - my burdens are too much for them to handle. Not that they've been asked to carry them, but just to listen for a while. But it's too much, and so they walk away, and I'm alone. Again.
I hate this.

Arrr!

Well, it's International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and my very favourite part of that would be that induced by Veggie Tales - it's a day off for me, so, it's all the more true - I am a Pirate Who Don't Do Anything!!



Veggie Tales is releasing a feature film based on the same characters. I'm hoping it'll be better than Jonah, and I'm gonna *really* enjoy it!!
Aye Aye, Captain Crunch!!

Oh!

And if you came by via Zoot, please say hi! I've got ten times my normal traffic thanks to her! Contributing to her bail is for an awesome cause, and she's getting locked up soon! So I encourage you to support her in that!

Tell me...

How many honest people do you think are left in the world?
Tonight one of my profs, who works at the prison, was asking us what we'd do if we found a wallet with $100 in it, and comparing our response to that of the prisoners. He also asked what we'd do with a briefcase with one million cash. Answers and discussions were vivid. And we also knew there was a difference between what we say we'd do, and what would happen when it came down to it - those who asked for too many qualifiers - "well, is there ID?" "What about x"...what about y...the more qualifications you make on the statement, I think, the more you're trying to justify what you're tempted to do wrong. I thought about giving the $1M to charity. Easy to do in the hypothetical, I suppose!
I headed to the grocery store on my way home from class, to grab a couple items with which to bake cookies. I told the clerk the code for a bulk item, and he heard me wrong by one number. One number that made a five dollar difference in my purchase - from regular raisins to Craisins. (mmmm Craisins.) I corrected him, and he said, "Wow, you didn't have to say anything." "Well, much as I'd rather pay for regular raisins, I'm afraid I did."
I'm not the only one who'd do this, am I?

A Case of the Mondays...

Leaves me fraught with disorganization...hence, I bring you...
BULLET POINTS!

• A guy in one of my classes today had what looked to be an Elvish arm band tattoo. Yes, Tolkein's Elvish. I really want to ask him what it says, but am a little concerned that it's actually Cyrillic or something and I'll look like an idiot. Or, he'll beat me up. (He could be scary! He looks sort of scary! Except if it *is* Elvish and then he's probably actually more of a dork than I am.)

• Because last week we had Monday off for Labour Day, today was the first time I had my Restoration Lit class. I think the prof looks - and laughs - like Santa Claus. He seems to laugh a lot, especially at his own jokes, so this should be a fun semester! (Next semester too...I have him again.)

• I was running late today, and pulled into the parking lot at 3:40 - ten minutes behind. The prof then let us out two hours early (since it was the first class, there wasn't much to discuss.) This was great, except that I realized I had paid three dollars for forty minutes of parking. Please, shoot me now.

• I seem to have done it again - taken a book from the library that I've already read. It's very hard for me to keep track of them, you know, and it doesn't seem that the library system has any sort of tracking module. And I often don't notice until I'm halfway through the book (hey, if you read upwards of a hundred books in a year, you'd get a bit muddled too!) and those are moments of my life I could've spent sleeping!

• I have an unnatural hatred of doing dishes. And yet, I feel so much better once they're done. I'm also faced with the ugly reality at the moment, that if I don't wash them, I will have nothing off which to eat.

• Speaking of which, I suppose it's time to do something about dinner. Ciao!

Nerves of Jello!

Well hello interweb! I just thought I'd pop in and say that, oddly enough, I'm going to be on the radio tomorrow! (Technically, today, since it's past midnight!) I'll be joining Heidi and Lara over at Chick Chat Radio and you can listen to them (any day you choose...funny ladies!) on XM radio and all other sorts of neat places. (See here.)
I'm going to be talking to them about Canada, and some of the differences between our two countries and assuring them that we really don't live in igloos, and all that!
So, I'm really nervous? Because I abhor my speaking voice, and I tend to talk too fast, and in general I'm just a huge dork. So, um, wish me luck ;-) I think my one hope is that pretty much no one I know will hear this! But if you do (if you can't get the show live, it can be downloaded) then say hi, and tell me I don't sound *quite* as dumb as I feel! (Hopefully!)

Courage and Faith

It's been said that courage is not the absence of fear, but to feel the fear and go on with it anyway.
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." - Mark Twain
I hope, with every ounce of depth alloted me, that it is the same with faith. That faith is not the absence of doubt - but the choice to believe nonetheless. Because I'm overwhelmed by doubts. It's hard to remember the good things, the blessings that God's brought me in the past. That in itself makes me feel foolish - didn't I scoff, reading Exodus, that after all God had done for the Israelites, they still didn't believe him? He gave them manna, and quail when they complained of manna's blandness! How could they doubt?
How can I doubt?

....................
I've been so long in the valley
I've forgotten all the feelings of the mountain
That kept me hanging on
And I'm left to ask, how long?
'Cause I can't hear You, I can't feel You
And I'm losing faith
....................

Something Shiny!

Okay, so apparently I like to shake things up a little by hardly posting for several months, and then three in two days. Works for me :-P
If you'll kindly direct your attention to the right of your browser window you shall see a new! improved! feature! offered by the lovely folks over at Google Reader. It links to some of my latest favourite blog entries from friends and such. They're all lovely people, so feel free to click on through and say hi!

Off The Charts

Well, looks like that so-called job just set my BS meter to flying off the charts. I mean, I'm sure they're a lovely company and all, but I don't want to join your pyramid scheme, thanks, I just want a job. Blah. I'm ridiculously tired and cranky and wanting to use words I know I'd regret in the morning. Life goes on, and I'm sure everything will eventually come up roses. Except right now I just want to go to bed and cry.

One-oh-One

So apparently my last post was my 100th, and I let that pass without any fanfare whatsoever, and I'm quite sure its feelings are rather hurt. Oops. Instead, let's celebrate entry 101 by talking about that most abhorred of blog topics: dreams. Okay, seriously, I *know* everyone is supposed to hate reading about dreams, but I just have to write this down because it amused me ever so much...so if you hate it, well, come back tomorrow (or, in another month when I finally find the time to post again.)
First off, let me say this: the more I need sleep, the less likely I am to get it. Makes perfect sense, right? Welcome to the wonderful world of insomnia! I was too hot, I was too cold - my freakin' skin was on too tight. I was hungry, I was sick to my stomach (the latter won on that little gem...spent a good piece of the night, how do they say? Oh yes, bowing to the porcelain god.) Now, you see, talking about dreams doesn't seem so bad...
With all the hype on NBC it's not terribly surprising that I dreamed about the Heroes premiere, in my own little way. Hiro Nakamura has got to be one of my favourite people evah :-D In my dream, he and Peter Petrelli were in prison, but escaped by becoming one with the walls. (I don't know.) My mind graciously played me both a live-action and anime version of this! Then, focus shifted to the others left in the prison. They were mentally cloning themselves, or exhibiting multiple personality disorder (though most psychologists put little stock in this, and when it does occur is actually called dissociative disorder...yes, school is creeping back into my dreams.) The Bad Guys (not Sylar, but the ones that Claire's dad was working for?) were monitoring all this for some nefarious purpose, of course, and wanted to know who could replicate objects with their minds and call things or people to them. (Why didn't they just use the accio spell, I wondered? There was also an Iranian man who shared a psychic connection with his father, and summoned him unconsciously whenever he was upset.) The replicated objects were placed in storage, and were stacking so high that there was getting to be space on the edges of this tightly packed warehouse, and objects and animals were escaping to the corners, and about to Escape! the warehouse! For the greater good! In the shifting of the storage pallets, half the people/animals (I think the conjured items manifested the spirits of their creators?) had to die to set the others free, and they were doing it so nobly! And then! Just as a nail was about to pierce one of these noble creatures and open the door, A Bad Person on the other side of the door reached through and (mentally) took control of the nail. She, The Enchantress, stepped through the door and, holding the nail aloft, declare, "This is a key to the city! Who wants it?" And suddenly all that Greater Good fell apart in everyone's bid to telekinetically summon this key - in their personal bid for power.
AAAND then I woke up. Brilliant. It was weird, but interesting, to me, at least. I hardly ever dream, let along remember it with any clarity. The more interrupted my sleep, I think, the more likely I am to recall. And it was a great night not to sleep, really - I start a new job in, uh, 38 minutes. So I suppose I ought to go! Maybe I'll write about that when I get home. Who knows? :P Also, thank God (not sacreligiously, but with every fibre of my being) that there is a drive-thru Starbucks on my way!

World's Most Expensive Paperweight

Well, I've been having quite the adventures lately, especially in the Customer Service department. It's been a terribly boring month - get up, run errands, maybe go for a walk, but all in all I feel as though I'm doing nothing at all, except to spend money (stupid car needing an oil change :P and a/c service, and about a gazillion other things that are thankfully optional for now.) Anyhow, ranting about the car is not actually my point here, so on to the Real Thing!
Instead of re-writing the whole thing, I'm just going to re-post this very frustrated email I sent to my friend Kris the other day...
Things to know before commencing:
- A while back, my laptop went kaput.
- I found out it was the motherboard, but I was one month past warranty. I could buy a few more months of warranty for $300 and some odd, or replace the motherboard. I wasn't sure what to do, so I wanted to think on it for a while.
- When I called back, I found out the warranty was no longer an option. They hadn't told me it was a time-sensitive offer.
- I called again to find out exactly how much it would cost to replace the motherboard. They gave me estimates for three different motherboards, all around $600. Oddly enough, I couldn't pull $600 out of my ear, so I had to think on that for a while. Upon deciding that I just might be able to pull it out of my budget as long as I was careful, I called Dell again. I should have known...

excuse me but could you please shoot me in the head and put me out of
my misery? just got off the phone with Dell (in India) and they now
say that they can't replace the motherboard, that they don't make
notebook motherboards anymore...what on earth?! a month ago they had THREE
(>$600) quotes for me and now they have NOTHING!? Seriously I am
so mad I could spit nails! Plus the guy couldn't speak English
properly, and I don't mean just the accent. The accent I could deal
with - I'm talking about complete misuse of verbs and reflexive
structures and not being able to communicate effectively! I don't
care where they're from dangit but I want them to be able to DO THEIR
JOB.
*sigh* So I'm out a very expensive laptop I'm not even done paying
for?! And I'm cranky and upset that I was "that woman" on the phone
for commenting on his English syntax (quote: "your sentence structure
leaves much to be desired" which earned me a very bitter comment from
the CSR.) But the worst part? Jerks made me cry!!
(wanna beat them up for me? :P)
/rant
ok thanks for listening ;-) ttyl

And since then? I told the Customer Service Representative I wanted to speak with his manager, he told me he was busy and would have him call me...oddly enough, my phone hasn't rung. Hmm. Guess I get to call them back again today. *shudder*
Okay, now that I've expressed my severe angst with the twits that call themselves Dell Customer Service, it's time to carry on with my day. My Auntie Sharon called me to invite me to Hairspray, and we're going to catch lunch first. So there's something on a slightly more positive note ;-)

Chasing Sunsets

I spent much of the last few days baking a cake, and I finally got to try a slice tonight - and I must say, it was completely delicious. :-)
Driving home after the delivery and a quick grocery shopping trip tonight, I was feeling a little melancholy, and then I noticed the sunset driving over the bridge. But I had a couple problems...I obviously couldn't stop right on the bridge, and the smokestack from the pulp mill was in the way. So I took off to chase the sunset. Down the road to the pulp mill - smelled lovely, by the way - until I could get an unobstructed view. The artistry of sunsets never ceases to amaze me. Here's some of what I came up with.

Face of Earth = Dropped Off!

Okay, well, hello world. I've basically disappeared due to a tremulous internet connection and even worse cel phone service. If you know me IRL, just show up sometime - I'm sure I could use the company. For now, I'm getting down to the last vestiges of unpacking (I'm planning on posting pics of the new place soon) and just reading an awful lot of books and watching movies that I've had from the video store for *way* too long. I just finished "Catch and Release", because I'd only seen it halfway through when the others with whom I was watching it decided it sucked beyond belief, and turned it off. It didn't get much better, though it did improve slightly, mostly due to Kevin Smith.
In other news, there isn't really any other news. Sorry I'm so boring. But if you're thinking of me, an email would be much appreciated - even if I can't stay connected long enough to chat, something like that would totally brighten my day. (And a bit of brightening goes a long way in a basement suite with only one window :P)

Unemployed In Greenland*

Well, I haven't blogged in quite a while, obviously, and for the usual reason: I've nothing much to say. The things that are happening in my life right now mostly consist of things not happening: not finding a job, not finding a home, not writing anything new. So you can see why this thrilling news just had to bubble out of me onto my blog.
I have had some highlights, though - and they stand out more against that which at times seems so bleak. I spent a week "ranch-sitting" for a friend, and though I didn't get to ride, the time I got to spend with the menagerie was great - eight horses to ply with carrots and apples in attempts to be allowed to spray them with bug repellent - a dozen or so chickens from which to carefully collect eggs without being shat upon - turkeys with a bunny rabbit bodyguard - three 4H show steer to feed ridiculous amounts of grain - two cats to snuggle up with while reading - a deaf dog who peed on the carpet but looked adorable curled up on the jeans I'd left on the floor - and another dog, this one the size of a pony, who begged for my dinner and then absconded to the coolest possible room in the house to somehow counteract the heat of his polar-bear-like fur. It was a little lonely, so far out of town, but it was a good time to just chill out and do a bit of honest work.
Since then, though, I've just been job and house-hunting, and that's far less fun. But, I gotta keep trudging on. :-p And I'll look forward to the next bright spot on my horizon: visiting my dear, dear friend Emily in Vancouver on Friday and Saturday. Adventures to come!!


*10 points to the one who can tell me the movie reference!

Hard to Say...

It's difficult to blog when things are going well, because everyone knows blogging is all about angst (mine, anyway.) It's also hard to say when things are so far into the gutter that you can't quite comprehend dishing that out in such a public forum.
Even if I could - I can't say it while there's still a chance it might work out, or I can't say it because it's not my problem, specifically, no matter how much it breaks my heart.
Life's just not far, bad things happen to good people (or mediocre people, but still!) I want to talk about it and I want a shoulder to cry on. But I have to stand up and be tough and all that other nonsense. Still, if you can, if you do...say a little prayer for me and mine.

Pride

So my baby sister graduated this weekend, and is in fact at her Dry Grad party as we speak! Of course, it's been a bit of a crazy weekend, since we've shown the house three times as well! So, without having too much time to reflect, I've still managed to have a couple brief thoughts on my sister.
Em's my champion, fighting anyone on my behalf - even me. She's beautiful, inside and out, funny, loving, smart...so incredibly smart. She's also my littlest sister - the one I most remember as a baby, remember saying "Fiffer" since she couldn't pronounce "sister" and "Hadou" for my name. It's hard to believe she's graduated already, and about to head off to University to start pre-med (on scholarship, of course.) She wants to be a pediatrician, and though I tease her that at 5'1" she'll really be able to relate to her patients "on their level" I really do think she'll do a tremendous job.
I love you, Emmy dude. And I am so incredibly proud. You're my favourite youngest sister. (What, did you think I was trying to get myself in trouble here? :P)

Bad Blogger!

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated - all two of you who care ;-) I've just been too busy with real life to blog! As previously mentioned, I've been doing a summer class - with it only being six weeks long, I just had my second midterm - yikes! It's been good, though, and quite interesting. I've also had to pay a bit of extra attention for a classmate who has missed the last week - seems her baby decided to come early! I went to take her some notes in the hospital, but unfortunately the little (very little - preemie) one had to be in the NICU so I didn't get to meet her.
Oh, and speaking of babies - I spend most of my mornings with a twenty month old, now. His name's Sam, and he's pretty darn cute. My new job - working as a nanny. At about noon either one or both of his big brothers come home (depending what kindergarten day it is) and I hang out with them for a few hours. Yesterday I managed to do quite an impressive drawing of a pirate ship - and I think this helped to get me just a teensy bit closer to the five-year-old's good side. I do like how children are so easily impressed - my crayon skills certainly wouldn't gain me entrée into Emily Carr.
That's about all there is in terms of news though. I survived my sister's wedding - physically and emotionally intact ;-) It was fun, and great to see some family I hadn't seen in a while, like my aunt, uncle and cousin. (Also, it was good to have my big ex-hockey playing cousin Rob there to help me move the piano after the ceremony!)
Oh, and one more thing. Tonight, I fell in love. Ya see, he's tall, dark and handsome - just my type, eh? I swear he's one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen, he's 17h and a bay. Oh, if you haven't figured it out yet? He's a horse. :P I was out at my friend Teri's for a year-end choir BBQ, and met Skylar for the first time. I wish I'd thought to take my camera - both for the gorgeous 8 horses that shes has and for the beautiful property. She seemed quite enthusiastic about having me come out to ride, though, so I'm hoping we can work that out in the near future!
In the meantime, though, tomorrow's a particularly early morning for work - 5:30am. So it's actually past bedtime already, really. (My, such a turn from the 2am nights of not too long ago!)
So, wish me sweet sleep, and I'll try to keep you posted just a little better in the next little while!

Big Pink Puffy Heart!

Smooch!
Originally uploaded by muirnait.

Hope you all remembered to wish your mothers (and those of your friends/SOs who are mothers) a very Happy Mothers' Day.
I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without my mum's support, and believe it or not, that's a good thing ;-)

Apparently Addicted

I signed up for a summer class today. I'm totally out of my mind, I think! It's a 300 level Psych class, called "Health Psychology" which will help me keep my course load manageable during the regular school year.
From the class description: "A critical survey of the basic research findings and theory on the relation between psychological factors (including behaviour, emotion, cognitive, personality and interpersonal relationships) and health. Topics include health-related behaviours such as smoking and drug use, the effects of stressful events on health, methods of coping with stress, the impact of chronic illness on the family, and social support systems."
So my first class today (the second class, since this was such a last-minute decision!) seemed really interesting - I keep thinking that my little sister would love it! I'm slightly daunted by the fact that it's only 6 weeks long with two three hour classes each week, but since it's the only course I'm taking I'll be able to swing it! Since there's no 2nd year pre-req I'm already a little ahead of the game compared to some of the others in the class - so here's to a kick-butt six weeks. I just have to get through my sister's wedding first - my dress isn't here yet, and I need to go practice piano. Gah! ;-)

Moments

I have this problem (note: see dictionary re: understatement.) I tend to fall in love with songs that make me cry. I think there's something amazing about a song - and a songwriter - that can touch you on that deep of a level. It's the sort of songwriter I aspire to be - though I admit the times it's happened, it's been odd to have someone tell me, "your song made me cry!" It's beautiful, though, and so I wanted to share with you the latest song with which I've fallen in love. Moments, performed by Emerson Drive.


I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E Street Bridge followed me on to it
I went out halfway across with that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change - wouldn't need it anyway
He took it looking just a bit ashamed
He said you know I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments
Days in the sun, moments
I was second to none, moments
When I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride, coming home from the war
That summer, my son was born
Memories, like a coat so warm the cold wind cant get through
Looking at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

Well I stood there trying to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on earth would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Looking at me, looking down I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said you know I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments
Days in the sun, moments
I was second to none, moments
When I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I, walked away from the wine
For a woman, who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right could always see me through
Looking at me know you might not know it
I've had my moments

I know somewhere around a trash can fire tonight
That old man tells his story
One more time
He says,

I've had my moments
Days in the sun, moments
I was second to none, moments
When I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night, on the E Street Bridge
When a young man, almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Looking at me now you might not know it
Oh - looking at me now you might not know it
I've had my moments

I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I've had my moments

It's a beautiful song. If you enjoy it and get a chance to buy the CD, please do. :-)

525,600 Minutes

525,600 minutes
525,600 moments, oh dear
525,600 minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights and cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter in strife
525,600 minutes - how do you measure
A year in a life?
- Rent

In friendships lost, in people alienated
In tears, in emotional breakdowns
In breakdowns of communication
In the number of people who chose to walk away?
-me

"Measure your life in love."

Photoblog

Nearly there...
Originally uploaded by muirnait.

Too lazy to write, again, so go on over to Flickr and check out the pictures from my recent trip to Seattle. There's a bit of storytelling in the captions, but that's as good as I've got right now :P

Bring Me That Horizon

Hmm...so I've now slept six hours in the last three nights. No, four? I wouldn't trust my mental faculties at the moment, if I were you.
Now, to whom does that sound like fun? Oh, and I'm sick. The two might be related...but I'm really not willing to establish causality at this point - all we have is a positive correlation. (Guess who's been studying for exams...go on, guess!) Ya see, I can't really breathe, so that makes sleeping tricky. And only the first night of insomnia was my fault, because yes, I was up studying, and I had spent much of the day studying and napping, due to the sick. But the rest? Pure 100% insomnia. Seriously, if you're thinking of getting it, I can't recommend it highly enough: it is just bloody awesome. Best thing ever. So far I've cleaned the living room, the kitchen, and baked a banana loaf. (Seriously, what else can you do with ridiculously overripe bananas?)
Oh, and if you're thinking "just take a sleeping pill, Heather," because, yeah, the girl with the insomniac history (psst, that's me) does have some of those. BUT! Oh, but I tried that already, to no avail. I think at this point I'd need something with the fortitude to floor a moose. (I think that may be my favourite alliteration evah.)
So, really that's all there is to report - I'm thinking of buying stock in Kleenex, I make the strangest faces should I dare attempt to swallow through this sore-for-no-good-reason throat, and I may soon progress into paranoid delusions. Oh but not until later today - I've got far too much to do. For now though, I think that banana bread may have cooled enough to eat.

Philosophize This

So, I'm a little slow at this blogging thing. I'm a little slow at most things right now, actually. Just in time for final exams I've got a nasty sore throat and overall yuckiness, so all my studying has been done in bed between naps. Reading up on Abnormal Psych is easy enough - and to me, very interesting. What's really not working for me is Philosophy.
The prof has given us the questions ahead of time, which is great. Five part exam, chose one question (of 4) for each part. The problem? I can't find *any* of this crap in the readings. Maybe it's something he assumes is included and he hasn't looked at the text (we only have excerpts of various essays), maybe it's based entirely on his random ramblings from during class time - but I can't find it in my notes either. Or maybe it really is in there, but philosophers have such an obtuse and roundabout way of writing that it's essentially impossible to comprehend their point, if indeed they have one! So, how do you study when you don't have the material? Philosophy via Google?
I hate this stuff. Just, gr. Only one more semester and then I can get back to the far more concrete world of English and Psychology. :-P