Friday, November 23, 2007

Missing the Music

Since my little 70s folk performance the other night, I've actually been playing my guitar a little bit, which makes me tremendously happy. I really don't know why I don't play more, other than because the urge usually strikes me in the wee hours of the morning, and my landlords probably wouldn't appreciate that.
Since I'm not playing on the worship teams right now, or doing anything at all musical at the church, I feel like a little part of me is dead. I know I needed the break, and I had really good reasons for taking it, but I feel a little empty now. I didn't miss it right at first, so I don't think it's so much to do with missing the routine I had since I was 12.
But I do miss it. I miss playing, especially jamming with a band. I miss the sense of community, and I miss the freedom in worship. I miss being with people who understand what it is to lose yourself in the song, in the meaning of it.
I really, really miss the piano. Guitar's just not the same for me. I don't have nearly the same ease, or the ability to make the music I hear in my head. It's as if they're whole other languages, and piano's like English to me - my mother tongue. Guitar, though, I just struggle along. Enough to make myself understood if absolutely necessary, but not with any sort of fluency.
So I guess lately, I feel like I haven't been able to speak. I've played this game before, where you're not allowed to speak until it's your turn. It's hard for me, because yeah, I have a big mouth, but also because I have something to say, and I want to share it. I don't do quiet well, and being musically mute is wearing on my soul.


oestrebunny said...

I wish I had taken the time to learn piano properly when I was at school. As it stands, I can struggle through 1 and half pieces of music.

Tirzah said...

Just sing sing and sing some more, play when you have the time, but the best part about it is your voice and the feeling you get once you get it out. I know the feeling you're talking about and if I wasn't so self conscious about my image and I'd do it even more.